Hey everyone,
Firstly, I would like to thank any and every one who've read and commented on my previous posts. Your advices were sound and helpful. Thank you. Now, back to the story.
I was driving my wife to school this morning and it was raining. I usually would be heading to work right after dropping her off but today was going to be different. Due to project needs, I will be working from 2.30pm till 12.00am. This means that I have a few hours to kill before I head to work. Anyways, back to my story. After dropping her off, a local radio station, mix.fm, started playing "One Love" by Blues. I don't know if its merely coincidental or what, but quite often I have found that mix.fm plays songs which matches what you are going through or what you want to hear. I know it could be a case of making the evidence fit the crime but why not?
I'm sure most, if not all, of you have heard "One Love" before. The lyrics talk about a person's life changing overnight. His love left him when he woke up (literally changing his life overnight) but he refused to give up. His heart is broken when he thought it would never be, but he will survive, because one love is all he needs.
The lyrics pretty much describe my current situation. At least I think it does. While previously I was negative about the whole thing, I no longer am. Through various comments and advices from friends and strangers alike, I'm approaching this whole situation differently.
While I am still sad about my situation, I am no longer hating those two guys. They're doing what many guys would do when they see a pretty girl. And its my fault for making my wife fall out of love with me. So I'm not going to blame anyone any longer. I'm just going to do what I can to make my wife fall in love with me again. I refuse to give up.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Thanks for the memories, no thanks for the ending
I'd like to dedicate this post to a certain young woman.
You came into my life over 6 years ago. It began as a friendship. A friendship that not many would have thought possible. Even you had your doubts. I broke your young fragile heart then just as you are breaking mine now. Maybe this is punishment for the crimes that I commited. Retribution. Payback. Whatever you want to call it.
When we met up at the beginning of last year, I fell in love with you all over again. I was coming to an end of a relationship at the time and you made me realize it was pointless to stay with her any longer. I went out with you for a few times before I left for US on a business trip. During the trip, I broke up with my then girlfriend and we became a couple upon my return to Malaysia.
You were still schooling and you had a lot of insecurities. You doubted if we could last. You doubted if I was sincere. I vowed to change your mind and your life. Following an accident in June, I stayed with you even though I should have been with my parents. I do not regret the decision because I was truly in love with you and I would have done anything to have you. Since that time, I have hardly felt alone. Instead, I found a companion in you. Even if at times I do not talk or when we have our quarrels, I still found solace when you're by my side. Its just comforting. There's no other explanation. It had to be love.
At some point, I did consider teaching part time at a college. But in the end, I did not follow through with it largely due to the fact that you exist in my life. Even though the part time job would have given me extra money to spend, it would mean sacrificing my time with you. That was something I did not want to do. I wanted you more than anything else.
Throughout this time, I was there when you had needed me. On the few occasions which I was not there, I'm sorry. Truly. I watched you grow from an insecure girl who worries about everything to someone who grew to trust people. I know you still have your insecurities even today. But you've grown much. I took pride in knowing that I had helped you lead a better life. I was happy I was able to help.
There were so many things which you wanted. And I tried to give you everything I could afford. At times when I couldn't, I still tried to make the best out of it. I tried to find a way to afford it. The list of wishes I fulfilled for you isn't short. From studio pictures to wedding pictures, from handphone to laptop, from food to clothes or even your jobs. I accomodated you the best I could. And yet, I was never enough, was I?
When I was late due to meetings or job related things, you got angry. When I couldn't get back early, you say I don't care. Still, I presevered. Because you were with me. I could take anything as long as you were still there.
Defying my parents did not happen often before you. It became a norm after I was with you. At times I do wish you were more understanding towards them. But I continued doing as you wanted. Because defying them to be with you was better than defying you to be with them. You mattered more. No one else had mattered this much to me.
We got married early this year. Despite all the nonsense and problems we faced during that day. It still remains my most beautiful day. You looked so beautiful in your wedding dress. Simply stunning. Amazing. I can't forget it.
3 months passed by after the wedding. You still swore you wanted many more months of happiness with me. Was it a lie? Were you trying to hide the truth? I don't know.
Your life has been filled with so called predictions. You first said no one ever lasted more than a month with you. God will take them away. Well, its has been more than a year. God did not take me away. You threw me away. Like the library book example we used to describe ourselves earlier, I'm the book that's been thrown out onto the sidewalk. A book of distant memories past. It ran out of pages so there is no future. Congratulations, you've made your stepmom's prediction, that your marriage will not last a year, come true.
What was so bad in our marriage that caused you to run away? Was it because I did not come back when you finish school? Was it because I left you alone while I went to work? You felt lonely at times, so you decided that you wanted to work. To take up your free time. I think you still don't get it. I am not choosing to leave you alone. I am working so that we can be together. Without a job, I would be without money. Without money, I would not be able to take care of you. Of us. So please don't blame me for working.
You say that you wanted to focus on your studies. I don't see that. Not yet. What I see is that you are focusing on your social life. So much for your statement that you are anti-social. Its not true Jan. You are a social butterfly. I am the anti social here. I don't go out with friends. I don't go out with family. I don't go out alone. I only go out with you. Or when I have to. So please don't call yourself anti social. You don't know what is anti social.
Remember our trips to KL? It was fun on both occasions. Shopping in Times Square. Shopping in MidValley. You know, I enjoyed myself with you. I don't talk a lot. But that doesn't mean I don't love you. It doesn't mean I don't enjoy your company. I'm just more of a listener than a talker. I have always been like this. But you don't get it. You keep taking my silence as not loving you. Or not caring. Its not. You're wrong.
I think you'll be pretty hard pressed to find a guy who is willing to sacrifice so much and still provide so much for you. Those two guys you're with right now? What can they offer you?
They are still studying so they have no transportation of their own. No extra money to give to you to buy clothes. No money to take you to a vacation anywhere. No money to even spend with you at expensive restaurants. What do they offer you? Something that money can't buy. Companionship, isn't it?
Have I ever stopped you from having friends? Even when you had Ed coming over. Or going out with Ed and Sean when he came back. I let you do it because they are your friends. Just because I don't hang out with friends, doesn't mean you shouldn't. But isn't there a limit to what you can and cannot do?
Chin Hooi, Meng Jon, if you are reading this. Please know this. You guys should know better than to keep going out with her. She is married to me. Would you want someone else to do this to your wives or girlfriends? I know you don't have one right now. But someday you will. Then perhaps you will understand why I am saying what you guys are doing is so wrong.
To Jan. I know you've stopped reading my blog these days. Because you're so busy. I don't blame you. I'm just disappointed. I gave you everything you have asked for but you've asked me for the one thing that I cannot give. I tried not thinking about you. I tried not loving you. I tried letting you go. I failed. I can't. It just doesn't work. Maybe I'm weak. Maybe I'm useless. Maybe I'm selfish. But I love you and I just can't find a way to stop it. Kill me. Take a knife and stick it into my chest. It would be less painful than this. I'm sure.
Do you realize how much you mean to me? Maybe. Maybe not. I don't know. All I know is that I love you. And while I know you don't feel the same way about me anymore. You once had. Maybe you will again. Maybe not. I don't know. Maybe I'll go on the rest of my life being unhappy. What's worse than dying is dying alone and in sadness. What's even worse than that is to die alone, in sadness and old.
God, if you're up there somewhere. If you can read my post. I have just one thing to ask. Please don't end my life alone, sad and old. If I'm destined to be alone and sad when I die, I ask that you let me die when I'm still young. I don't need to suffer loneliness and sadness for years before I die.
Jan, for everything that I've done wrong or not done for you. I'm sorry. Forgive me. For everything that I've done, you deserve it. Keep those memories with you. But I guess you can throw them away too. If its not worth anything anymore. If anything should happen to me, I leave everything I own to you. For I have no one else to give them to. My life is with you.
Jan. I have loved you as much as I could. There's no more that I can do. So forgive me when I can't be happy seeing you with others. Forgive me as it is the last I ask of you. Forgive me.
You came into my life over 6 years ago. It began as a friendship. A friendship that not many would have thought possible. Even you had your doubts. I broke your young fragile heart then just as you are breaking mine now. Maybe this is punishment for the crimes that I commited. Retribution. Payback. Whatever you want to call it.
When we met up at the beginning of last year, I fell in love with you all over again. I was coming to an end of a relationship at the time and you made me realize it was pointless to stay with her any longer. I went out with you for a few times before I left for US on a business trip. During the trip, I broke up with my then girlfriend and we became a couple upon my return to Malaysia.
You were still schooling and you had a lot of insecurities. You doubted if we could last. You doubted if I was sincere. I vowed to change your mind and your life. Following an accident in June, I stayed with you even though I should have been with my parents. I do not regret the decision because I was truly in love with you and I would have done anything to have you. Since that time, I have hardly felt alone. Instead, I found a companion in you. Even if at times I do not talk or when we have our quarrels, I still found solace when you're by my side. Its just comforting. There's no other explanation. It had to be love.
At some point, I did consider teaching part time at a college. But in the end, I did not follow through with it largely due to the fact that you exist in my life. Even though the part time job would have given me extra money to spend, it would mean sacrificing my time with you. That was something I did not want to do. I wanted you more than anything else.
Throughout this time, I was there when you had needed me. On the few occasions which I was not there, I'm sorry. Truly. I watched you grow from an insecure girl who worries about everything to someone who grew to trust people. I know you still have your insecurities even today. But you've grown much. I took pride in knowing that I had helped you lead a better life. I was happy I was able to help.
There were so many things which you wanted. And I tried to give you everything I could afford. At times when I couldn't, I still tried to make the best out of it. I tried to find a way to afford it. The list of wishes I fulfilled for you isn't short. From studio pictures to wedding pictures, from handphone to laptop, from food to clothes or even your jobs. I accomodated you the best I could. And yet, I was never enough, was I?
When I was late due to meetings or job related things, you got angry. When I couldn't get back early, you say I don't care. Still, I presevered. Because you were with me. I could take anything as long as you were still there.
Defying my parents did not happen often before you. It became a norm after I was with you. At times I do wish you were more understanding towards them. But I continued doing as you wanted. Because defying them to be with you was better than defying you to be with them. You mattered more. No one else had mattered this much to me.
We got married early this year. Despite all the nonsense and problems we faced during that day. It still remains my most beautiful day. You looked so beautiful in your wedding dress. Simply stunning. Amazing. I can't forget it.
3 months passed by after the wedding. You still swore you wanted many more months of happiness with me. Was it a lie? Were you trying to hide the truth? I don't know.
Your life has been filled with so called predictions. You first said no one ever lasted more than a month with you. God will take them away. Well, its has been more than a year. God did not take me away. You threw me away. Like the library book example we used to describe ourselves earlier, I'm the book that's been thrown out onto the sidewalk. A book of distant memories past. It ran out of pages so there is no future. Congratulations, you've made your stepmom's prediction, that your marriage will not last a year, come true.
What was so bad in our marriage that caused you to run away? Was it because I did not come back when you finish school? Was it because I left you alone while I went to work? You felt lonely at times, so you decided that you wanted to work. To take up your free time. I think you still don't get it. I am not choosing to leave you alone. I am working so that we can be together. Without a job, I would be without money. Without money, I would not be able to take care of you. Of us. So please don't blame me for working.
You say that you wanted to focus on your studies. I don't see that. Not yet. What I see is that you are focusing on your social life. So much for your statement that you are anti-social. Its not true Jan. You are a social butterfly. I am the anti social here. I don't go out with friends. I don't go out with family. I don't go out alone. I only go out with you. Or when I have to. So please don't call yourself anti social. You don't know what is anti social.
Remember our trips to KL? It was fun on both occasions. Shopping in Times Square. Shopping in MidValley. You know, I enjoyed myself with you. I don't talk a lot. But that doesn't mean I don't love you. It doesn't mean I don't enjoy your company. I'm just more of a listener than a talker. I have always been like this. But you don't get it. You keep taking my silence as not loving you. Or not caring. Its not. You're wrong.
I think you'll be pretty hard pressed to find a guy who is willing to sacrifice so much and still provide so much for you. Those two guys you're with right now? What can they offer you?
They are still studying so they have no transportation of their own. No extra money to give to you to buy clothes. No money to take you to a vacation anywhere. No money to even spend with you at expensive restaurants. What do they offer you? Something that money can't buy. Companionship, isn't it?
Have I ever stopped you from having friends? Even when you had Ed coming over. Or going out with Ed and Sean when he came back. I let you do it because they are your friends. Just because I don't hang out with friends, doesn't mean you shouldn't. But isn't there a limit to what you can and cannot do?
Chin Hooi, Meng Jon, if you are reading this. Please know this. You guys should know better than to keep going out with her. She is married to me. Would you want someone else to do this to your wives or girlfriends? I know you don't have one right now. But someday you will. Then perhaps you will understand why I am saying what you guys are doing is so wrong.
To Jan. I know you've stopped reading my blog these days. Because you're so busy. I don't blame you. I'm just disappointed. I gave you everything you have asked for but you've asked me for the one thing that I cannot give. I tried not thinking about you. I tried not loving you. I tried letting you go. I failed. I can't. It just doesn't work. Maybe I'm weak. Maybe I'm useless. Maybe I'm selfish. But I love you and I just can't find a way to stop it. Kill me. Take a knife and stick it into my chest. It would be less painful than this. I'm sure.
Do you realize how much you mean to me? Maybe. Maybe not. I don't know. All I know is that I love you. And while I know you don't feel the same way about me anymore. You once had. Maybe you will again. Maybe not. I don't know. Maybe I'll go on the rest of my life being unhappy. What's worse than dying is dying alone and in sadness. What's even worse than that is to die alone, in sadness and old.
God, if you're up there somewhere. If you can read my post. I have just one thing to ask. Please don't end my life alone, sad and old. If I'm destined to be alone and sad when I die, I ask that you let me die when I'm still young. I don't need to suffer loneliness and sadness for years before I die.
Jan, for everything that I've done wrong or not done for you. I'm sorry. Forgive me. For everything that I've done, you deserve it. Keep those memories with you. But I guess you can throw them away too. If its not worth anything anymore. If anything should happen to me, I leave everything I own to you. For I have no one else to give them to. My life is with you.
Jan. I have loved you as much as I could. There's no more that I can do. So forgive me when I can't be happy seeing you with others. Forgive me as it is the last I ask of you. Forgive me.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
A history Lesson
"But tonight, I have a reason to stay alive. To brave the odds, to take the risk, and to have faith in a better life.You saved me.And with you.. I found my way back into love. = )"
"But you're not gonna be one of those which i simply have chose to give up on.You'd be the hand I'm holding onto till the very end.I want our love to continue to grow and grow. :D"
"Hoping for more =)But seriously, how can I ask for more than what I am already getting?Referring to the love i'm getting, of course."
"She did the best thing she did that day.By calling her boyfriend up.He wanted to come.And when he did arrived. The day was saved.She was saved.And all these times, all she needed was a hero.Love you. Always and forever"
"Because I don't want to be pampered in happiness so much that I forget what it really is.And how much it means to me.Love, I love you. Now and always."
"The actual thing is. I've never been happier in my life when I had you."
http://ehrick-lee.blogspot.com/2007/09/little-thing-called-love.html
"This is the December of my life!But I don't want this to be the one and only December with you.= ) I wanna be with you."
All the above are testaments of your love for me, Janicia. Comments and a post which you posted in this very blog. Do you remember them? Read them over again. Surprising thing is, that it all ended in December last year. Around the time you started working at dell I believe. Working seems to have changed you a lot. You were no longer the negative girl you once were. Happy as I am that you're now a much more positive person and I had a hand in helping you become who you are now, I am struck down by sadness when I read the lines above. For what they declared are now no longer seen.
Yes, it will all be better come July 22nd, you may say. But it is still a long month. As I type this, it is already past 1am on a Friday night. You are still out working. If I'm right, you'll be calling me to pick you up in another 10-15 minutes. I used to go early or try to get there just as you are closing. But I don't anymore. For I don't think I can bear the sight of you with your friends. Its too much to bear. I know I promised you this freedom. I know I promised to try not to be mad. But its hard, Jan. Its really hard.
When you were with me, working at GSC meant so much to you. Going late was something you hated and you would rather take busses to Gurney rather than wait for me if it meant you were going to be late. But right now, with your friends, you have no qualms about being late to work. Work starts at 7, you come back at 7. Work starts at 5, you come back at 5. Come back as in come back to prepare for work. You've changed I think.
Anyways, I was just rereading all the comments and posts you've ever posted. They meant so much to me then. But they hurt me so much now. One day, I hope they'll make me smile again. Till that day, Jan, take good care of yourself. Please. Goodnight.
"But you're not gonna be one of those which i simply have chose to give up on.You'd be the hand I'm holding onto till the very end.I want our love to continue to grow and grow. :D"
"Hoping for more =)But seriously, how can I ask for more than what I am already getting?Referring to the love i'm getting, of course."
"She did the best thing she did that day.By calling her boyfriend up.He wanted to come.And when he did arrived. The day was saved.She was saved.And all these times, all she needed was a hero.Love you. Always and forever"
"Because I don't want to be pampered in happiness so much that I forget what it really is.And how much it means to me.Love, I love you. Now and always."
"The actual thing is. I've never been happier in my life when I had you."
http://ehrick-lee.blogspot.com/2007/09/little-thing-called-love.html
"This is the December of my life!But I don't want this to be the one and only December with you.= ) I wanna be with you."
All the above are testaments of your love for me, Janicia. Comments and a post which you posted in this very blog. Do you remember them? Read them over again. Surprising thing is, that it all ended in December last year. Around the time you started working at dell I believe. Working seems to have changed you a lot. You were no longer the negative girl you once were. Happy as I am that you're now a much more positive person and I had a hand in helping you become who you are now, I am struck down by sadness when I read the lines above. For what they declared are now no longer seen.
Yes, it will all be better come July 22nd, you may say. But it is still a long month. As I type this, it is already past 1am on a Friday night. You are still out working. If I'm right, you'll be calling me to pick you up in another 10-15 minutes. I used to go early or try to get there just as you are closing. But I don't anymore. For I don't think I can bear the sight of you with your friends. Its too much to bear. I know I promised you this freedom. I know I promised to try not to be mad. But its hard, Jan. Its really hard.
When you were with me, working at GSC meant so much to you. Going late was something you hated and you would rather take busses to Gurney rather than wait for me if it meant you were going to be late. But right now, with your friends, you have no qualms about being late to work. Work starts at 7, you come back at 7. Work starts at 5, you come back at 5. Come back as in come back to prepare for work. You've changed I think.
Anyways, I was just rereading all the comments and posts you've ever posted. They meant so much to me then. But they hurt me so much now. One day, I hope they'll make me smile again. Till that day, Jan, take good care of yourself. Please. Goodnight.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
A little less than a month left
What is a little less than a month? To some people, its a very short time. But here's what it means to me:
About four weeks left
About 26 days left
About 624 hours left
About 37,440 minutes left
About 2,246,400 seconds left
That's how long it is to my birthday. That is also how long it is till my wife returns to me.
That's right, we reached an agreement yesterday. She will be free do to what she wants, to go out with whomever she wants and as long as she wants. Until my birthday. That is when she promises to stop seeing other people and return to my side.
It is never pleasant to think of your loved ones in another person's arms. My wife has been going out with her friends in near obscene hours and spending more time working and being in her friends' companionship than in mine. I'm not trying to say she has to be with me and cannot have any friends at all. But there has to be a limit, right?
Friends, in my opinion, are important. But they should never take precedence over your loved ones. If once every two weeks or so you want to go out with your friends, I think that is acceptable. But if it comes to 3, 4 or even 5 times a week. Especially if you're working AND studying at the same time while holding numerous posts in school, that doesn't leave much time with your loved ones, does it?
You sleep roughly 3-4 hours a night. I don't think that's enough and I think it will harm your body. But you believe you are fine. Okay. But if the time you spend sleeping per week is more than the time you spend with your own loved ones, something is seriously wrong.
Imagine:
One week has 168 hours.
You sleep an average of 4 hours a night on weekdays and an average of 7 hours a night on weekends. (4 x 5 + 7 x 2 = 34)
You go to school for an average of 8 hours a day on weekdays (8 x 5 = 40)
You go to work for an average of 5 hours a day for 3 weekdays and 8 hours a day on the weekends (5 x 3 + 8 x 2 = 31)
You go out with your friends for an average of 3 hours a day for 2 weekdays and 8 hours a day on the weekends (3 x 2 + 8 x 2= 22)
You also spend an average of 3 hours a day commuting (school and work) (3 x 7 = 21)
You spend an average of 3 hours a week participating in school activities (3)
You also spend an average of 1 hour a day doing school work in the weekdays (1 x 5 = 5)
Total spent: 156 hours
Time left = 12 hours
Out of these 12 hours, how many are overlapping with my hours outside of office? Even if considering all these 12 hours overlap fully with my hours outside of office, we haven't even counted the time it takes for you to do miscellaneous things like bathe, eat, do laundry, dress up. So what is left is about 1 hour a day on average.
Is that enough time? For me its not. 1 hour passes by so fast that you won't see anything. And if we are stuck in traffic jams and what not, the only time we spend together might be the time we sleep. So, yeah, its not enough.
Anyway, I'm looking forward to you returning to me, my wife. I love you and I need you. Please be safe.
About four weeks left
About 26 days left
About 624 hours left
About 37,440 minutes left
About 2,246,400 seconds left
That's how long it is to my birthday. That is also how long it is till my wife returns to me.
That's right, we reached an agreement yesterday. She will be free do to what she wants, to go out with whomever she wants and as long as she wants. Until my birthday. That is when she promises to stop seeing other people and return to my side.
It is never pleasant to think of your loved ones in another person's arms. My wife has been going out with her friends in near obscene hours and spending more time working and being in her friends' companionship than in mine. I'm not trying to say she has to be with me and cannot have any friends at all. But there has to be a limit, right?
Friends, in my opinion, are important. But they should never take precedence over your loved ones. If once every two weeks or so you want to go out with your friends, I think that is acceptable. But if it comes to 3, 4 or even 5 times a week. Especially if you're working AND studying at the same time while holding numerous posts in school, that doesn't leave much time with your loved ones, does it?
You sleep roughly 3-4 hours a night. I don't think that's enough and I think it will harm your body. But you believe you are fine. Okay. But if the time you spend sleeping per week is more than the time you spend with your own loved ones, something is seriously wrong.
Imagine:
One week has 168 hours.
You sleep an average of 4 hours a night on weekdays and an average of 7 hours a night on weekends. (4 x 5 + 7 x 2 = 34)
You go to school for an average of 8 hours a day on weekdays (8 x 5 = 40)
You go to work for an average of 5 hours a day for 3 weekdays and 8 hours a day on the weekends (5 x 3 + 8 x 2 = 31)
You go out with your friends for an average of 3 hours a day for 2 weekdays and 8 hours a day on the weekends (3 x 2 + 8 x 2= 22)
You also spend an average of 3 hours a day commuting (school and work) (3 x 7 = 21)
You spend an average of 3 hours a week participating in school activities (3)
You also spend an average of 1 hour a day doing school work in the weekdays (1 x 5 = 5)
Total spent: 156 hours
Time left = 12 hours
Out of these 12 hours, how many are overlapping with my hours outside of office? Even if considering all these 12 hours overlap fully with my hours outside of office, we haven't even counted the time it takes for you to do miscellaneous things like bathe, eat, do laundry, dress up. So what is left is about 1 hour a day on average.
Is that enough time? For me its not. 1 hour passes by so fast that you won't see anything. And if we are stuck in traffic jams and what not, the only time we spend together might be the time we sleep. So, yeah, its not enough.
Anyway, I'm looking forward to you returning to me, my wife. I love you and I need you. Please be safe.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
My wife is still my wife
My previous two posts were rants. Venting of frustrations. I needed that. It felt good.
As you would have known from reading the posts, my wife is currently more keen (keener?) on spending time with her friends than with me. If you didn't read my previous posts, well, you know now.
There's no point in trying to restrain her. (What? Lock her up and throw away the key?) Humans, by nature, will have an even stronger urge to do something that is forbidden. For example, kids told not to smoke will be even more curious and will want to try it even more. Well, not all kids but a majority would anyway.
My wife tells me she feels happy in going out with her friends. I guess that's all that matters, right? She asks me to be understanding as this is what she wants. Freedom.
I can't stop you and I won't try to. You are your own person. You've to be responsible for the choices you make and I have to respect your choices. Since you tell me it is all innocent, then I believe you. Reluctantly, but I believe you.
A part of me is hoping that this is just a phase. That maybe someday, you'll grow out of it and things will be back the way it was before all this started. Maybe its just wishful thinking. But it doesn't hurt to hope, does it?
So, go. Be free. Enjoy yourself. Rediscover yourself and the meaning of love for you. Anything. I just have two little requests of you.
1. I'll always be sad when you walk out the door. Don't try to convince me to be otherwise, okay?
2. Please come back to me someday. I really don't want to lose you. I don't want to hear you saying that you've fallen for someone else. I want you. I need you. Please come back.
You don't owe me anything. Nor do I blame you for spending on anything. I was just thinking about all the things that you've wanted and I've given. It just doesn't seem fair. But its ok.
You have your freedom. Go. I'll be waiting.
As you would have known from reading the posts, my wife is currently more keen (keener?) on spending time with her friends than with me. If you didn't read my previous posts, well, you know now.
There's no point in trying to restrain her. (What? Lock her up and throw away the key?) Humans, by nature, will have an even stronger urge to do something that is forbidden. For example, kids told not to smoke will be even more curious and will want to try it even more. Well, not all kids but a majority would anyway.
My wife tells me she feels happy in going out with her friends. I guess that's all that matters, right? She asks me to be understanding as this is what she wants. Freedom.
I can't stop you and I won't try to. You are your own person. You've to be responsible for the choices you make and I have to respect your choices. Since you tell me it is all innocent, then I believe you. Reluctantly, but I believe you.
A part of me is hoping that this is just a phase. That maybe someday, you'll grow out of it and things will be back the way it was before all this started. Maybe its just wishful thinking. But it doesn't hurt to hope, does it?
So, go. Be free. Enjoy yourself. Rediscover yourself and the meaning of love for you. Anything. I just have two little requests of you.
1. I'll always be sad when you walk out the door. Don't try to convince me to be otherwise, okay?
2. Please come back to me someday. I really don't want to lose you. I don't want to hear you saying that you've fallen for someone else. I want you. I need you. Please come back.
You don't owe me anything. Nor do I blame you for spending on anything. I was just thinking about all the things that you've wanted and I've given. It just doesn't seem fair. But its ok.
You have your freedom. Go. I'll be waiting.
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