Ehrick's PoViLiTh

Ending of this blog

2010-05-21T11:14:00.002+08:00

Dear all whom are still following this blog. I just wish to announce that I will be closing down this blog by June 1st 2010.

You may still follow my updates at my other blog: http:rubbish-of-eric.blogspot.com

Thank you for your kind support.

Not Giving Up

2008-07-03T08:02:00.002+08:00

Hey everyone,

Firstly, I would like to thank any and every one who've read and commented on my previous posts. Your advices were sound and helpful. Thank you. Now, back to the story.

I was driving my wife to school this morning and it was raining. I usually would be heading to work right after dropping her off but today was going to be different. Due to project needs, I will be working from 2.30pm till 12.00am. This means that I have a few hours to kill before I head to work. Anyways, back to my story. After dropping her off, a local radio station, mix.fm, started playing "One Love" by Blues. I don't know if its merely coincidental or what, but quite often I have found that mix.fm plays songs which matches what you are going through or what you want to hear. I know it could be a case of making the evidence fit the crime but why not?

I'm sure most, if not all, of you have heard "One Love" before. The lyrics talk about a person's life changing overnight. His love left him when he woke up (literally changing his life overnight) but he refused to give up. His heart is broken when he thought it would never be, but he will survive, because one love is all he needs.

The lyrics pretty much describe my current situation. At least I think it does. While previously I was negative about the whole thing, I no longer am. Through various comments and advices from friends and strangers alike, I'm approaching this whole situation differently.

While I am still sad about my situation, I am no longer hating those two guys. They're doing what many guys would do when they see a pretty girl. And its my fault for making my wife fall out of love with me. So I'm not going to blame anyone any longer. I'm just going to do what I can to make my wife fall in love with me again. I refuse to give up.

Thanks for the memories, no thanks for the ending

2008-06-29T00:47:00.002+08:00

I'd like to dedicate this post to a certain young woman.

You came into my life over 6 years ago. It began as a friendship. A friendship that not many would have thought possible. Even you had your doubts. I broke your young fragile heart then just as you are breaking mine now. Maybe this is punishment for the crimes that I commited. Retribution. Payback. Whatever you want to call it.

When we met up at the beginning of last year, I fell in love with you all over again. I was coming to an end of a relationship at the time and you made me realize it was pointless to stay with her any longer. I went out with you for a few times before I left for US on a business trip. During the trip, I broke up with my then girlfriend and we became a couple upon my return to Malaysia.

You were still schooling and you had a lot of insecurities. You doubted if we could last. You doubted if I was sincere. I vowed to change your mind and your life. Following an accident in June, I stayed with you even though I should have been with my parents. I do not regret the decision because I was truly in love with you and I would have done anything to have you. Since that time, I have hardly felt alone. Instead, I found a companion in you. Even if at times I do not talk or when we have our quarrels, I still found solace when you're by my side. Its just comforting. There's no other explanation. It had to be love.

At some point, I did consider teaching part time at a college. But in the end, I did not follow through with it largely due to the fact that you exist in my life. Even though the part time job would have given me extra money to spend, it would mean sacrificing my time with you. That was something I did not want to do. I wanted you more than anything else.

Throughout this time, I was there when you had needed me. On the few occasions which I was not there, I'm sorry. Truly. I watched you grow from an insecure girl who worries about everything to someone who grew to trust people. I know you still have your insecurities even today. But you've grown much. I took pride in knowing that I had helped you lead a better life. I was happy I was able to help.

There were so many things which you wanted. And I tried to give you everything I could afford. At times when I couldn't, I still tried to make the best out of it. I tried to find a way to afford it. The list of wishes I fulfilled for you isn't short. From studio pictures to wedding pictures, from handphone to laptop, from food to clothes or even your jobs. I accomodated you the best I could. And yet, I was never enough, was I?

When I was late due to meetings or job related things, you got angry. When I couldn't get back early, you say I don't care. Still, I presevered. Because you were with me. I could take anything as long as you were still there.

Defying my parents did not happen often before you. It became a norm after I was with you. At times I do wish you were more understanding towards them. But I continued doing as you wanted. Because defying them to be with you was better than defying you to be with them. You mattered more. No one else had mattered this much to me.

We got married early this year. Despite all the nonsense and problems we faced during that day. It still remains my most beautiful day. You looked so beautiful in your wedding dress. Simply stunning. Amazing. I can't forget it.

3 months passed by after the wedding. You still swore you wanted many more months of happiness with me. Was it a lie? Were you trying to hide the truth? I don't know.

Your life has been filled with so called predictions. You first said no one ever lasted more than a month with you. God will take them away. Well, its has been more than a year. God did not take me away. You threw me away. Like the library book example we used to describe ourselves earlier, I'm the book that's been thrown out onto the sidewalk. A book of distant memories past. It ran out of pages so there is no future. Congratulations, you've made your stepmom's prediction, that your marriage will not last a year, come true.

What was so bad in our marriage that caused you to run away? Was it because I did not come back when you finish school? Was it because I left you alone while I went to work? You felt lonely at times, so you decided that you wanted to work. To take up your free time. I think you still don't get it. I am not choosing to leave you alone. I am working so that we can be together. Without a job, I would be without money. Without money, I would not be able to take care of you. Of us. So please don't blame me for working.

You say that you wanted to focus on your studies. I don't see that. Not yet. What I see is that you are focusing on your social life. So much for your statement that you are anti-social. Its not true Jan. You are a social butterfly. I am the anti social here. I don't go out with friends. I don't go out with family. I don't go out alone. I only go out with you. Or when I have to. So please don't call yourself anti social. You don't know what is anti social.

Remember our trips to KL? It was fun on both occasions. Shopping in Times Square. Shopping in MidValley. You know, I enjoyed myself with you. I don't talk a lot. But that doesn't mean I don't love you. It doesn't mean I don't enjoy your company. I'm just more of a listener than a talker. I have always been like this. But you don't get it. You keep taking my silence as not loving you. Or not caring. Its not. You're wrong.

I think you'll be pretty hard pressed to find a guy who is willing to sacrifice so much and still provide so much for you. Those two guys you're with right now? What can they offer you?

They are still studying so they have no transportation of their own. No extra money to give to you to buy clothes. No money to take you to a vacation anywhere. No money to even spend with you at expensive restaurants. What do they offer you? Something that money can't buy. Companionship, isn't it?

Have I ever stopped you from having friends? Even when you had Ed coming over. Or going out with Ed and Sean when he came back. I let you do it because they are your friends. Just because I don't hang out with friends, doesn't mean you shouldn't. But isn't there a limit to what you can and cannot do?

Chin Hooi, Meng Jon, if you are reading this. Please know this. You guys should know better than to keep going out with her. She is married to me. Would you want someone else to do this to your wives or girlfriends? I know you don't have one right now. But someday you will. Then perhaps you will understand why I am saying what you guys are doing is so wrong.

To Jan. I know you've stopped reading my blog these days. Because you're so busy. I don't blame you. I'm just disappointed. I gave you everything you have asked for but you've asked me for the one thing that I cannot give. I tried not thinking about you. I tried not loving you. I tried letting you go. I failed. I can't. It just doesn't work. Maybe I'm weak. Maybe I'm useless. Maybe I'm selfish. But I love you and I just can't find a way to stop it. Kill me. Take a knife and stick it into my chest. It would be less painful than this. I'm sure.

Do you realize how much you mean to me? Maybe. Maybe not. I don't know. All I know is that I love you. And while I know you don't feel the same way about me anymore. You once had. Maybe you will again. Maybe not. I don't know. Maybe I'll go on the rest of my life being unhappy. What's worse than dying is dying alone and in sadness. What's even worse than that is to die alone, in sadness and old.

God, if you're up there somewhere. If you can read my post. I have just one thing to ask. Please don't end my life alone, sad and old. If I'm destined to be alone and sad when I die, I ask that you let me die when I'm still young. I don't need to suffer loneliness and sadness for years before I die.

Jan, for everything that I've done wrong or not done for you. I'm sorry. Forgive me. For everything that I've done, you deserve it. Keep those memories with you. But I guess you can throw them away too. If its not worth anything anymore. If anything should happen to me, I leave everything I own to you. For I have no one else to give them to. My life is with you.

Jan. I have loved you as much as I could. There's no more that I can do. So forgive me when I can't be happy seeing you with others. Forgive me as it is the last I ask of you. Forgive me.

A history Lesson

2008-06-28T00:03:00.004+08:00

"But tonight, I have a reason to stay alive. To brave the odds, to take the risk, and to have faith in a better life.You saved me.And with you.. I found my way back into love. = )"

"But you're not gonna be one of those which i simply have chose to give up on.You'd be the hand I'm holding onto till the very end.I want our love to continue to grow and grow. :D"

"Hoping for more =)But seriously, how can I ask for more than what I am already getting?Referring to the love i'm getting, of course."

"She did the best thing she did that day.By calling her boyfriend up.He wanted to come.And when he did arrived. The day was saved.She was saved.And all these times, all she needed was a hero.Love you. Always and forever"

"Because I don't want to be pampered in happiness so much that I forget what it really is.And how much it means to me.Love, I love you. Now and always."

"The actual thing is. I've never been happier in my life when I had you."

http://ehrick-lee.blogspot.com/2007/09/little-thing-called-love.html

"This is the December of my life!But I don't want this to be the one and only December with you.= ) I wanna be with you."

All the above are testaments of your love for me, Janicia. Comments and a post which you posted in this very blog. Do you remember them? Read them over again. Surprising thing is, that it all ended in December last year. Around the time you started working at dell I believe. Working seems to have changed you a lot. You were no longer the negative girl you once were. Happy as I am that you're now a much more positive person and I had a hand in helping you become who you are now, I am struck down by sadness when I read the lines above. For what they declared are now no longer seen.

Yes, it will all be better come July 22nd, you may say. But it is still a long month. As I type this, it is already past 1am on a Friday night. You are still out working. If I'm right, you'll be calling me to pick you up in another 10-15 minutes. I used to go early or try to get there just as you are closing. But I don't anymore. For I don't think I can bear the sight of you with your friends. Its too much to bear. I know I promised you this freedom. I know I promised to try not to be mad. But its hard, Jan. Its really hard.

When you were with me, working at GSC meant so much to you. Going late was something you hated and you would rather take busses to Gurney rather than wait for me if it meant you were going to be late. But right now, with your friends, you have no qualms about being late to work. Work starts at 7, you come back at 7. Work starts at 5, you come back at 5. Come back as in come back to prepare for work. You've changed I think.

Anyways, I was just rereading all the comments and posts you've ever posted. They meant so much to me then. But they hurt me so much now. One day, I hope they'll make me smile again. Till that day, Jan, take good care of yourself. Please. Goodnight.

A little less than a month left

2008-06-26T07:22:00.003+08:00

What is a little less than a month? To some people, its a very short time. But here's what it means to me:

About four weeks left
About 26 days left
About 624 hours left
About 37,440 minutes left
About 2,246,400 seconds left

That's how long it is to my birthday. That is also how long it is till my wife returns to me.

That's right, we reached an agreement yesterday. She will be free do to what she wants, to go out with whomever she wants and as long as she wants. Until my birthday. That is when she promises to stop seeing other people and return to my side.

It is never pleasant to think of your loved ones in another person's arms. My wife has been going out with her friends in near obscene hours and spending more time working and being in her friends' companionship than in mine. I'm not trying to say she has to be with me and cannot have any friends at all. But there has to be a limit, right?

Friends, in my opinion, are important. But they should never take precedence over your loved ones. If once every two weeks or so you want to go out with your friends, I think that is acceptable. But if it comes to 3, 4 or even 5 times a week. Especially if you're working AND studying at the same time while holding numerous posts in school, that doesn't leave much time with your loved ones, does it?

You sleep roughly 3-4 hours a night. I don't think that's enough and I think it will harm your body. But you believe you are fine. Okay. But if the time you spend sleeping per week is more than the time you spend with your own loved ones, something is seriously wrong.

Imagine:
One week has 168 hours.
You sleep an average of 4 hours a night on weekdays and an average of 7 hours a night on weekends. (4 x 5 + 7 x 2 = 34)
You go to school for an average of 8 hours a day on weekdays (8 x 5 = 40)
You go to work for an average of 5 hours a day for 3 weekdays and 8 hours a day on the weekends (5 x 3 + 8 x 2 = 31)
You go out with your friends for an average of 3 hours a day for 2 weekdays and 8 hours a day on the weekends (3 x 2 + 8 x 2= 22)
You also spend an average of 3 hours a day commuting (school and work) (3 x 7 = 21)
You spend an average of 3 hours a week participating in school activities (3)
You also spend an average of 1 hour a day doing school work in the weekdays (1 x 5 = 5)
Total spent: 156 hours
Time left = 12 hours

Out of these 12 hours, how many are overlapping with my hours outside of office? Even if considering all these 12 hours overlap fully with my hours outside of office, we haven't even counted the time it takes for you to do miscellaneous things like bathe, eat, do laundry, dress up. So what is left is about 1 hour a day on average.

Is that enough time? For me its not. 1 hour passes by so fast that you won't see anything. And if we are stuck in traffic jams and what not, the only time we spend together might be the time we sleep. So, yeah, its not enough.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to you returning to me, my wife. I love you and I need you. Please be safe.

My wife is still my wife

2008-06-24T11:42:00.002+08:00

My previous two posts were rants. Venting of frustrations. I needed that. It felt good.

As you would have known from reading the posts, my wife is currently more keen (keener?) on spending time with her friends than with me. If you didn't read my previous posts, well, you know now.

There's no point in trying to restrain her. (What? Lock her up and throw away the key?) Humans, by nature, will have an even stronger urge to do something that is forbidden. For example, kids told not to smoke will be even more curious and will want to try it even more. Well, not all kids but a majority would anyway.

My wife tells me she feels happy in going out with her friends. I guess that's all that matters, right? She asks me to be understanding as this is what she wants. Freedom.

I can't stop you and I won't try to. You are your own person. You've to be responsible for the choices you make and I have to respect your choices. Since you tell me it is all innocent, then I believe you. Reluctantly, but I believe you.

A part of me is hoping that this is just a phase. That maybe someday, you'll grow out of it and things will be back the way it was before all this started. Maybe its just wishful thinking. But it doesn't hurt to hope, does it?

So, go. Be free. Enjoy yourself. Rediscover yourself and the meaning of love for you. Anything. I just have two little requests of you.

1. I'll always be sad when you walk out the door. Don't try to convince me to be otherwise, okay?
2. Please come back to me someday. I really don't want to lose you. I don't want to hear you saying that you've fallen for someone else. I want you. I need you. Please come back.

You don't owe me anything. Nor do I blame you for spending on anything. I was just thinking about all the things that you've wanted and I've given. It just doesn't seem fair. But its ok.

You have your freedom. Go. I'll be waiting.

Disturbing weekend

2008-06-23T16:55:00.003+08:00

If you have read my previous pathetic attempt at poetry, you might have noticed that I'm not exactly on cloud nine at the moment. Pretty much the opposite.

Or was my attempt too pathetic until you were unable to read into it?

If you haven't read it or were unable to digest it, my humble apologies. Here's the summary anyway:

My wife, my love, decided she wants to be unattached. Free. Like a bird. Not tied down.

For the past week or two, she has been spending a lot of time with her new found bestest best friends (or BFF - Best Friends Forever, as girls like to call it). Unwilling to name them, I'll call them C and M. If you know, you know. If not, who cares. Its my blog.

What henious crimes did this two CM commit? Oh, nothing much. Just pretty much made my wife want to spend more time with them than me. Yep. You've read that right. It all began... lets see.. during the school holidays. It was the holidays so I decided why not, if she wants to hang out with her friends, let her be. Towards the end of the holidays, she told me it was her last chance before school restarted and she got busy again. Okay, fine. I relented.

Zip. School holidays went bye bye pretty soon. But guess what! Outings never stopped. Nay. Picked up speed maybe. Stopped? Heavens, no. It would be unthinkable. Two weekends ago, I had to work due to my stupid job (one reason why I'm typing this during work hours, I HATE MY JOB). Saturday and Sunday both became outing days. 2 guys a girl and a pizza place. That's the name of a sitcom. But this is real life, so no pizza place. Although I guess they could have went to pizza hut or something. Anyway, besides that weekend, she also hung out with them on weeknights. Sometimes even after finishing work at like 1am. Free movie, why not? Doesn't matter if we miss half the show, its still free. We can pay to watch the other half. Seems more reasonable than doing it in one go, i.e. paying to watch it once. *Note: sarcasm there* Oh yeah, they work at the cineplex so their work ends after the movie has started.

On one occassion, she had even asked if I wanted to go for a movie that night. I said, sure, if you're going, I'll come along. Then later, she told me not to come, she's watching with her colleagues. Wow. I guess I would have been disturbing them huh? So I became the designated driver. 2.30am, yes Maam.

Is it just me or does it really look like she enjoys spending more time with her friends than me? I'd really appreciate your comments on this one. Any comments at all.

On nights which she doesn't work, she still goes out with them. Funny thing is, she once told me she doesn't want to go to Gurney on days/nights that she doesn't work as she is there often enough when she works. But seems like she enjoys being at Gurney now. What a change, huh?

So, late night movies, nights out, weekends out. You know, if I'm just a roommate, I'd say she was dating some one. But I'm married to this girl. Confuses me it does.

Anyway, I have absolutely zero mood of doing anything productive today. Worked a bit since I can't escape everything. But bottom line: I work to earn money to pay for our living. She blames me for not being around which forces her to find companionship outside.

Congratulations. I earned money for... err... Nothing. Yep. Sounds like what everyone does these days.

Journey

2008-06-23T08:07:00.003+08:00

It started out last year,
A request for me to be near,
I obliged, I did as you wanted,
I came to you, this is how it started,

War of silence between your people,
I stood at your side for the battle,
Food, transport, outings and more,
I did everything that you've asked for,

When you lost your communication,
I bought you another SonyEricsson,
Pictures were low quality, it wasn't good,
In comes a camera to take pictures with your mood,

Your youth is captured in a photoshoot,
You want to look young, you want to look good,
I still think its a waste of money,
But let you go ahead and took so many,

Thoughts of going to college came up this year,
Need for a laptop become quite clear,
Sony Vaio, hello and welcome,
No thanks to dad who didn't pay his sum,

Hotel stay on your birthday,
At a resort far away,
Guess, MNG, La Senza and Nike,
Even in MidValley's little Roxy,

I wonder how, I wonder why,
I gave you everything, a fault of my,
I never regretted spending the money,
Because I could see it made you happy,

But content was something you never had,
No matter what you got, its a little sad,
I did all I could, I did all you wanted,
I was in love, I was enchanted,

I loved you then as I love you now,
I do not know anymore, tell me how,
They are just friends, nothing more to the eye,
Spend less time with me, lesser than friends am I?

Earn my trust, deserve my love,
For I have quite given up, you see,
Convince me otherwise, its up to you,
At last it doesn't rhyme, just like us.

Piracy and such

2008-05-10T21:42:00.002+08:00

Hi everyone,

After a long lost absence, I'm back to blog again.

Piracy has often been touted as a big blow to the music/movie industry especially those in Hollywood. However, little did I know that piracy did not affect the movie industry quite as much as they would have you believe. I recently saw a news item at isoHunt, a popular bit torrent website, which was about their court case with Motion Pictures Association of America (MPAA).

One fact which may not be known by many is the fact that for the past 2 years, box office earnings has risen from 8 billion US Dollars in 2005 to over 9.5 billion US Dollars last year. From 2006 to 2007 alone, the box office had an increase of 5.4% profit. I agree with the writers of various posts which argues that if the piracy of p2p such as bit torrent has made a huge dent in their profits, how is it that their profits are increasing almost yearly. In fact, from a graph that I saw, 2007 was Hollywoods most profitable year in about 10 years.

The MPAA is currently pushing the idea that bit torrent software and its users are evil. isoHunt is arguing that it is doing nothing wrong (no copyright infringement or such) by linking or indexing the files which are available on people's computer/websites. I wholeheartedly agree with isoHunt's stand.

To say that p2p software such as bit torrent and its users are evil is akin to saying that people with guns are all evil/killers. There is nothing wrong with the software itself, its more towards how people uses it. And further more, isoHunt are merely telling people where various files are. Although there are illegal activities using p2p software, that is hardly the only use of p2p software. There are also numerous other legal usage of p2p software for file distribution.

Just because guns can kill people, does it mean that we should ban the usage of guns? Nuclear technology can be used to create bombs, but at the same time, it can be used to generate electricity. P2p software can be used for illegal distribution of copyright materials, but at the same time, it can be used to distribute legal materials. As such, I do not agree with the MPAA's action of going after sites like isoHunt. Its akin to blaming the cop which provided a bank robber with the directions to the bank (of course the cop does not know that the bank robber is a bank robber at the time).

I am not saying that illegally downloading copyright materials and making a profit from them is right or good. I am not saying that everyone should boycott watching movies from cinemas. Cinematic experience is something that I do enjoy. I go to movies quite often and I will continue to go. All I'm saying here is that the MPAA should relax a little. P2p isn't hurting the movie industry as much as they want us to think. Hollywood is making a huge profit. Music industry is making profit.

A comparison that I read from some place: The invention of taping did not kill of the music industry, the invention of p2p will not kill of the movie industry.

Personally, I think that p2p is not harming the movie industry by much. A movie that is widely anticipated will still draw a huge crowd to cinemas and make a huge profit for the company/producers. I don't think anyone has a realistic idea on how much p2p is hurting the movie industry as no one can honestly tell you how much of the p2p activity/illegal downloads resulted in loss sales. Why? Because some people may not watch the movie in cinema even if they do not get to download it, hence it does not result in a loss. Or, some people may have still went to watch it on cinema after downloading it as the cinema experience is still something not available in homes.

All in all, I believe that illegal downloading is wrong but to say that it is causing huge losses in the movie industry is equally wrong.

To the MPAA: WE will continue watching movie in cinemas but don't kill of sites which are actually helping you to promote your movies. How so? Imagine a movie download having over 10k downloads/seeders. It means only one thing: Its a darn good movie. If people see those stats, they might just think: "Hey, that should be a great movie. Let's go watch it this weekend." Isn't that a sales for you?

STOP HARASSING P2P SITES!

Disclaimer: The author does not gurantee the accuracy of any statements above. They are purely the author's view after reading several news items on them.

Original links to the items are here:
http://isohunt.com/
http://arstechnica.com/news.ars/post/20080305-for-movie-biz-tales-of-piracy-and-record-profits.html
http://arstechnica.com/news.ars/post/20080122-oops-mpaa-admits-college-piracy-numbers-grossly-inflated.html

Wedding Pictures - Astronomical

2008-03-04T20:21:00.002+08:00

To all whom have enjoyed viewing the photos,

Aren't they great looking? Well, I'm sure they are. Don't get me wrong, I love those photos. But unfortunately, those photos come at a price. A hefty 5k+ price tag at that.

And that is only for the photos in the pre-wedding photo shoot. The actual wedding day photo shoot? Well, my wife has a huge fascination of wedding photos so she looked up the well known wedding photographers. And due to our wedding being planned/done in a rush, we didn't really have time to browse around the market.

Most photographers have already been booked. (Tip: Book your wedding day photographer at least 18 months before hand) However, we were fortunate enough that a well known photographer was available (Yay). This particular photographer too came at a price. 5.6k to be exact. However, his works are supposed to be quite top notch and he has promised to give us all the original touched up copies (not degraded ones like some others) and a leather bound album.

For 5.6k, what do we get? Well, we got 2 photographers for a full day who will provide a DVD to play during the wedding dinner after they have taken the shots earlier in the day. These photographers will, like mentioned earlier, provide 400-600 digital images (or maybe more if they take that many) and a leather bound album.

If you ask me, 400-600 photos are way too much. During the studio pre-wedding photo shoot, we were there from roughly 11am till 9pm and we only got about 250 shots. I do wonder how is he going to get 400-600 shots. Oh well, its probably 200-300 shots per photographer so I guess it does make sense then. =)

Anyways, its going to be a lovely occasion and I am fairly confident that the photographers will be able to capture the magic of the moment.

We'll see how they do. And although many other websites already have forums on them, I will let you know my opinion of them because as I believe, no two person's standards are the same. So, let's see how they live up to mine.

That's all for now. See you in a future blog!

Wedding Pic Post

2008-02-28T21:18:00.004+08:00

Welcome to the wedding picture post!

We'll wait for you on the stairs while you view the pictures...

Or we can even wait in the garden with a waterfall as a backdrop...

Or how about on the chair in the room?

Oops, time to stand up. Standing in red outfits, all ready to go out...

How about we show you how well we can hold a flower together...

Or even holding them separately...

But most importantly, we both share a common thing, love...

And here we are, nearly at the end now...

Goodbye from us for now. Hope you enjoyed our pictures.

From Eric and Janicia

Weddings: A registration and dinner

2008-02-27T22:11:00.004+08:00

Well folks,

After my post in November about taking wedding photos, its coming to the real thing now.

On the 2nd of March 2008, myself and my wife-to-be will be heading down to the moral uplifting society (I'm still puzzled as to why it is named like that) to register our marriage legally.

It was a bit of a journey to get to here. There were filling of forms, signing of oaths, signing of more forms and finally, the choosing of a date. I think through all the obstacles that were placed before us, we did pretty well. Sure there were moments of frustration and such. But all in all, it has led us to where we are today.

Following the registration on the 2nd, we will also be hosting the traditional wedding dinner banquet on the 9th of March 2008. It was all too last minute. But surprisingly, we are pulling it off quite well I think. The hotel we wanted managed to accommodate us after their original client decided not to go ahead with their dinner.

Phew. There were lots of times when you felt as if you don't know whether it will happen or not. But as of this moment that I am typing this, I can say quite proudly that the dinner will happen on the 9th. Book your calendars and your tickets folks.

It is quite a journey and its almost over. But let's make the banquet a memorable event to mark the end of a journey.

Jan, thanks for making this happen. You know I've always wanted a dinner. Thanks for making it come true. I love you.

Night of the buyers - Buyer's Night

2007-12-23T11:27:00.001+08:00

Yesterday I had the privillege of attending Crystal Bridal/Arredo Furniture's buyers night. It was held at the grounds in front of Arredo Furniture.

We set out for the event (scheduled from 6.30 - 10.30) around 5.30 from Jawi (about 40mins drive to PG under normal conditions). There was an accident on the highway and a long crawl on the Penang Bridge which caused us to arrive at Penang around 6.30. Before heading to the event, we decided to take a detour and headed to Gurney.

At gurney, we noticed the Sony fair/promotion in the atrium. Since the purpose of the detour to Gurney Plaza was to get a camera, we stopped by the counters and looked over the Cyber-Shot T2 model with 4Gigabytes of internal memory. After some Q&A between my wife and the salesman, we found ourselves the owners of a white T2.

Also, my wife got her make up done and hair done for an ad-hoc photo shoot right there at gurney plaza. With the shoot, we were given 1 free CD and 1 free printed photo. Freebies! Other freebies with the camera was a watch, Tshirts and key chain. Of course, all of that takes time and we only manage to leave Gurney around 9.

Exiting Gurney, we went to the Buyer's Night and helped ourselves to the food and drinks. A lucky draw was held as well and we ended up with a bean bag. Whee.

Crystal Bridal/Arredo Furniture's buyer's night was catered for by Bamboo catering (seems to be very popular right now). Their food was quite excellent as they always have been. After food, we went to have a look inside the Arredo furniture shop. They also had a best christmas dressed competition which was won by (surprise surprise) a girl in a santarina outfit. There was also supposed to be a fireworks show but since we had to come back to Jawi, we didn't stay for that.

Oh yeah. Other freebies we got last night include: A RM50 voucher for Hair Icon and a 50% discount voucher for Arredo (good till end of the year).

It was a buyer's night alright. We bought a camera and got vouchers to buy more things. Whee.

Christmas Wish

2007-12-21T12:44:00.000+08:00

To all Christians and anyone else who celebrates Christmas,

Wishing you a merry and joyful Christmas

May all your friends and family rejoice with you

May everyone put their family first

Be happy, loving and may God bless you

From the one and the only

Eric Lee

Joy to the world... or not

2007-12-21T12:02:00.000+08:00

Christmas time again its here,
Grab a drink of wine or beer,
Let's have a toast, I hear them say,
May good fortune increase your pay,
Parties and celebrations are aplenty,
Where ever you go, there will be many,
People around doing their shopping,
As malls come alive with Christmas singing,

A culture of gifts, our time has become,
No longer a simple joy, even for a bum,
Gifts are love, tis the season for giving,
Everyone goes to give and taking,
What happened to joy and simple merry,
They are forgotten like Joe and Larry,
Commercialized this season is now,
Huge trees in malls make people go wow,

The basics are all but forgotten,
As if it were an apple that rotten,
Return to rights, return to basic,
Not all gifts are bought with plastic,
The joy of love and companionship,
Are better than a meal taken in The Ship,
Come one, come all, celebrate with me,
Tis the season to be with family.

New additions to my stable of electronic gadgets of 2007

2007-12-15T20:46:00.000+08:00

The year of 2007 is drawing to a close. But before it closes, I would like to recap the list of electronic gadgetry that I have purchased this year.

In chronological order:
Handphone - Sony Ericsson's K550i
Misc - 80GB HDD
Handphone - Sony Ericsson's Z610i (for my girl)
Gaming device - Sony's Play Station Portable nicknamed Mr. P
Laptop - Asus's X51R
Misc - Wireless router (Linksys)
MP4 player - Apple's iPod Classic nicknamed iPoddy
Misc - Logitech 2.1 speaker system

Thoughts:
K550i - Not a bad phone. One complaint on my unit. It likes to switch itself off. Probably firmware issue.
HDD - Useful for keeping my movies, dramas, songs and etc.
Z610i - A 3G phone. But 3G not utilized. Hehe. Quite a good phone and good looking too. Its shiny!
Mr. P - The hours of fun this little device provided. Was considering a choice between PS2 and PSP. But no regrets.
X51R - Spacious HDD with widescreen and windows Vista. 1G ram and Intel's Core Duo processor. Not the best but still very welcomed addition to my ever growing family of electronic gadgets.
Wireless router - A must have since there are now 2 laptops at home. Hehe.
iPoddy - 80GB media player. What can I say? My girl loves her songs.
Logitech speakers - Comes with a handy place to put the iPod. And now iPod songs don't have to be listened using a pair of headphones. We have speaker!

IMHO: In my humble opinion

2007-12-15T20:30:00.001+08:00

Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. But is one opinion or one's preferences better than the other? I do not believe so. Its all a question of choice. Which show do you prefer? What color do you like? That kind of thing. There is no right or wrong in this case. Is there?

You may not agree or like the other person's choice or preference but you should still accept that it is their preference. Shouldn't you? I disagree with looking down on other people due to the nature of their choice or the kind of shows they like or the kind of food they eat. If that is what they like, so be it. No one is being forced to like another's choice. Afterall, one man's food is another man's poison. I believe we should accept another person's preference as their opinion and respect it. Not look down on it and criticize them for it. Its just not right. Don't you think so?

Just today, there was a heated discussion about Taiwanese game shows where celebrities on the shows are sometimes dressed up as school goers and do stupid stuff. Now, personally, I do not watch nor like those shows. But I do know of people who do watch it and enjoy it tremendously. That's their right to watch and enjoy whatever show they choose. I do not like it. Not even a bit. And that's my right. However, I do not look down upon them for choosing to like that kind of shows. I don't want others to look down on me just because I have my own preference on shows or games or food that I like or enjoy. And so similarly, I believe that I shouldn't look down on others for the same reason.

If there's anything that S.X.I. taught me is this: "Do unto others what you want others to do unto you". Enough said.

Ramblings of Randomness

2007-11-28T09:32:00.000+08:00

At some point in life, you begin to feel useless. Clueless. Frustrated. Its by no means a pleasant feeling but then again, it was never meant to be.

Sometimes, your mood is so bad and so low that you seem to be uninterested in everything that you do. All the things which you did well before are no longer there. In its place, a new importance has grown. A new light. A new person. But sometimes, are you doing too much? Or giving too much up? Are you jeopardizing one thing for the sake of another?

When do you know if its enough? When? When? You don't. Until it ultimately hits you in the face. Or other bodily parts.

Miscommunication. Another topic of recent "joy". It is kinda amazing at times how people can be so much in common at one time and so much different at another time. Understanding comes easy at times and grow hard at other times. Why is that? Does it mean incompatibility? I choose not to believe so. I choose to be optimistic and believe that it is just something that requires more work on.

Sigh. Random ramblings of an idiot. "Failure is when you don't try at all." However, what if you try too hard and disappoint everyone. I think that is failing too. Maybe not failing others, but failing yourself. Sigh.

Ignore this post. It doesn't make sense. Doesn't even make sense when I read it again.

Wedding photos

2007-11-20T21:11:00.000+08:00

Taking wedding pics. How many of you have done it before?

Taking wedding pics involve a lot of exhausting things as my wife-to-be and myself found out. Firstly, we had to go find the bridal studio. Well, that didn't take too long for us. We headed straight to Crystal Brides bridal studio

After talks and negotiation and bargaining. We went up to see the gowns. The saleswoman was obviously experienced. She took gowns out and let Jan try on some. After trying on about 3 gowns (was it?), we headed back down to the office area and continued bargaining. In the end, we reached a figure that I thought was acceptable.

We set a date for the gown choosing and then photo-taking. Gown choosing went by pretty fast. We chose one simple and elegant wedding gown and a red colored evening gown for the photo shoot. Another 3 gowns would be chosen by the "image consultant" on the day of the photo shoot. These 5 gowns would then be paired up with another 2 ancient costume outfits.

The photo shoot began from 11am and lasted throughout the day, ending only at 10pm. We had a great many shots on that day. With little breaks in between each session to change hairstyle, makeup or lunch/tea. We took most of the pictures in the studio itself with 2 gowns being worn outside. One was worn to the Arredo furniture house while another was to Botanical Gardens.

Yep. You read right. Arredo furniture house. This furniture house is just beside the bridal studio and seems like they have some sort of partnership with them. Which is good, since it will all be real nice furniture in the pics. Turns out that we picked quite a handful of shots from the Arredo furniture house and also the Botanical Gardens.

All in all, we took more than 250 shots on that day. Imagine how hard it would be to cut down from that number to just 42! Yes. That's all our package is suppose to have. Of course, the saleswoman brought out another sales pitch and the bargaining resumed. In the end, we added more money to almost double our photos from 42 to 74. And with this increment, we also had all the pics in the CD.

Still, it was hard to reduce from so many to so little. The photographer did a great job. Many of the pics he took was very beautiful looking and the effects that was produced was breathtaking in many of those shots. Three pictures which I especially liked were the one in the studio, with a white background, one in Botanical Gardens with a blue effect and the last one is a special one. As soon as those pics are available to me on CD, I will be sure to upload them here.

Check back and see what happens. Till then, have a nice day!

Guys and gals

2007-10-07T22:09:00.000+08:00

Love has a funny way of bringing out the best and the worst in a person. Do you agree?

Take for example in a typical teenage drama serial (not naming the show).
Scenario:

A husband siphons money from his clients' accounts to fund his family's lifestyle.

Now, one can say that the husband is wrong to siphon money from his clients' accounts. But all the husband was trying to do was to provide for the family. Sure, the family could cut down on expenses and maybe he would not have to siphon money. But would the family be able to do that when all the time they had everything that they wanted?

Wouldn't it be like asking a smoker to kick his habit or asking an addict to stop. Its not impossible, but the reluctance would be there. Wouldn't it?

I'm not trying to say that what the husband did was right. His actions were seriously wrong. But I'm saying that the reason behind it, the motivation, is right.

I would go even further and say that probably every guy wants to provide the best for their family. Am I mistaken?

Sometimes your spouse says "we can do without this and that" but the look on their faces when they tell you can be so heartbreaking. I guess that guys don't really like that look. I know I hate it.

But then again, when guys try to give the best, sometimes they forget the most important about being a family. That is being together. As a family. Because no matter what you provide or what you can provide for your spouse, nothing is more important than being together. Provide them with time together and love. That is worth much more than any material things that you can provide.

(But *WARNING* don't leave them in poverty and claim that I told you to do so. I DO NOT want to be killed by angry wifes/gfs out there.)

But to be fair, gals, do know that guys are trying to provide for you. Talk to them and make sure they know that you will be there regardless of material things. The last thing they need is to be insecure and feel that material things is the only thing that keeps you two together. Gals, make your guy know that he can come to you in time of need to discuss actions/plans together.

To my love, thanks for sticking with me through thick and thin. I know I have burdened you a lot. I'm sorry. I really do love you.

A little thing called love.

2007-09-02T17:09:00.001+08:00

I love you, Eric.
:)
And thats why I am writing this post.

The best thing that had ever happened to me and more, much much more than that.
Love, you've been staying with me everyday since the accident now, I am surprised that we did not only not get bored of each other, but instead we grew more fondly in love with each other.
And for that, I am happy.

Love, you've crossed a boundary no one has in my life, and for all that I know, no one would have, you took a shot at me, at making my life better.
We've had our ups and downs, all the sudden crying moments, all the difficulties, all the transportation problems.. and yet, love, your patience on me, its a great thing.

You make me believe in myself, you did not push, but you gently encouraged me to get me back up on my feet. And at the same time, you did not treat me like I was nothing more than a responsibility, because you did alot of romancing as well. You made all the times we spent together magical.

Love, I want to tell you that you brought me back to sanity. And if its not too much to say, you saved me from a life of despair.

This post is dedicated to letting you know that your efforts are recognised. And that I love you.
Please continue building our empire of love together.

"I’ve kissed a guy... I’ve kissed guys. I just haven’t felt that thing.... That thing... that moment when you kiss someone and everything around you becomes hazy, and the only thing in focus is you and this person. And you realize that that person is the only person you’re supposed to kiss for the rest of your life. And for one moment you get this amazing gift. And you wanna laugh and you wanna cry, ‘cause you feel so lucky that you’ve found it, and so scared that it’ll go away all at the same time."

This was what Drew Barrymoore said in Never Been kissed. And it applies here, because, I've found the thing she wanted to find.
And I'll find it everytime you kiss me.

Auto or Manual?

2007-07-20T14:19:00.000+08:00

After driving the manual car for a few weeks, I can say that it is starting to come back to me.

In Malaysia, we learn driving and take our driving tests with a manual car. But there will be those who after learning and passing their driving test, they either don't drive for a few years or they only drive an auto car.

Is this a good thing?

For myself, I passed my driving test in 2002. In the 3 years following that, I drove only very occasionally. Even then, I was driving an auto car (my parents'). Last year, I started working and gotten a car to drive. No surprises, it is an auto car.

This year, I got a new car and again, it is an auto car. But when it got into an accident (refer to previous post), I now have to drive the manual car.

At first, I was quite scared about driving it. I didn't think I could do it. But now, 2 weeks later. I guess I am getting more used to it. Up to a level where I'm still a little uncomfortable, but much, much better.

Maybe its like one of those things which you don't really forget. Where you learn once, it is with you. Granted, it may take a while for you to familiarize yourself again, but you won't totally forget it.

Thoughts?

Back to blogging

2007-07-07T13:43:00.000+08:00

Hey all/anyone

Its been a while since I've blogged here. The past week and a half has been bad. Weird even.

It started on a fateful Tuesday night. About 7.30 pm. I was just leaving the office and text-ed my mom to say I'm not coming back for dinner. Then I drove off. To find my love. There was a slight congestion on the bridge and I got into an accident there. Somewhere past the middle of the bridge.

My car was sandwiched. Kancil behind, Avanza in front. As if a testament to better quality imported cars, Avanza suffered the least damage. (Or maybe that's due to me braking in time >.<)

Anyway, my car was towed away to the workshop for repair works. The person says it will take at least 2 weeks. Sigh. What luck.

My love's stepma lent me her car and I used it for a couple of days before that car broke down. Right now, that car too is under repair and all we have for now is the Kancil that the workshop kindly lent me. Whee.

Not so whee. After driving only auto-transmission cars for like 4 years, it is not easy going back to driving a manual-transmission car (which I only drove for a very brief period during my driving lessons and exam).

It was bad. Catastrophic even. The engine kept dying on me while on the road (especially in Friday evening traffic on the Penang Bridge). But after a day of driving the manual car around, I guess some of it is coming back to me. On Friday night, when I drove my love to this house warming party, it only died once throughout the whole journey to and fro.

Well. My driving of a manual transmission car still leaves a lot to be desired (especially with all the rocking and shaking) but hey. Its drive-able.

I know lots of guys will be thinking "Haha. What lah this guy, don't even know how to drive a manual car." Some girls even. But hey, I'm me and you're you.

I am lazy. I admit it. That's why I drive an auto car. So sue me.

Wedding rings

2007-06-25T22:14:00.001+08:00

If you've been to my friendster page recently, you would have known that I've just gotten married to my love, Janicia.

I proposed to her over cyberspace and she accepted there and then. ^ ^

I know some might think its rude or childish or what not. However, I just couldn't wait anymore.
^ ^

You can go visit her blog for a posting of our chat.

Also, we just gotten our wedding rings last Sunday.

Here are the pictures. I'll try to get some of hers. ^ ^

Oh, for your information, we have our names carved into the other's ring. Can't see it in pictures though. For that, you'll need to see the real thing. Hehe.

My ring (top image); The ring on my finger (bottom image)

Seven days. The Weekend on the island.

2007-06-19T14:51:00.001+08:00

s

Love, this post is dedicated to you.
In a time when the both of us simply can't see it through the difficulties/complication of our relationship.

After a much hesitated morning, I arrived at the jetty in Penang only to realised that all the hassle the night before and earlier in the morning was not necessary.

We left for Sakae Sushi happily after all the unhappiness in the car.
Hehe.. What a contradiction, huh?

It was the first time there, for the both of us.
and this was a meal my love generously ordered for me.

We were so happy together there that I decide to do what I like doing most:
To capture the moment :D

Thus, we have these pictures to keep our memories of this day intact.

That was the noon.
Then, there was a night.
A night of Shrek 3.
Ah, screw my skills at uploading pics.

Goodbyes of love

2007-06-18T21:08:00.000+08:00

The parting and saying of goodbyes,
The look of tears in your eyes,
The feeling of emptiness once you are gone,
The look that says, I don't want you to leave,

Lingering fingers before we part,
Every second is precious before depart,
Wanting to hold you once more,
To hug you one more time,
To kiss your soft lips again,
To hold you in my arms,

The feeling together is incredible,
Alike the sunlight of the rising sun,
Nothing more wondrous would there ever be,
Other than the sight of you and me,
Together we live the life of one,
Apart we feel the emptiness of lives,

But apart is necessary,
Know it is not convenience over love,
Know it is not something I do for fun,
But rather it is something I need to do,
Understand it and wipe your tears,

For though I might be gone,
I will be back and into your arms,
To smell your sweetness,
To touch your tenderness,
To feel your wonderfulness,
To listen to your melodious voice,
To once again feel whole,
To once again light the spark of our lives,
To once again be in love.

Love....

2007-06-12T21:44:00.000+08:00

whenever we are together, i can feel your warmth and love,
but it seems that whenever i am not around,
you treat me like i dumped you or something,
but maybe i am wrong.

like you said, your life isn't cheerful or merry,
but full of fears and worry,
given that your house was just broken into again,
i understand where you are coming from,
but i foolishly thought that chatting with me,
would give some semblence to being with me

guess it isn't so. i tried respecting your wishes,
but it seems that they contradict,
you say you don't want me to get tired driving around,
then you say i am not sincere to come,
you say you know i can't be around and you need to get used to it,
then you say i don't want to be around you,

girl, i love you but you are confusing me,
i know if i go against your wishes,
i would see you smile,
but would you later on say that i did not respect you,

i just don't know,
if you're just testing me,
or just don't know what you want,
or just your mind and heart speak differently,
as it is common with dealings of the heart,

this is neither to scold you nor to chide you,
rather just to let you read what i think,
full of confusion we both may be,
but i believe we can live happily,

love will always find a way,
at least this is what they say,
if you think it is true then work with me,
not against me,

complicated are the things at hand,
just let you know what we can mend,
love that alters not when its alteration finds,
a love between me and you

A week is seven days

2007-06-11T10:12:00.000+08:00

A week has just passed. A week that I was on Holiday. A week that I spent away from home. A week that was spent with my love at her place. Mostly.

It was a week full of memories. A week that I cherish. Saturday she came to PG to kick off our week. Unhappy at first, but we talked things over and manage to get on the right foot. Saturday, Sunday and Monday was spent in PG together. In that time, we watched "The Last Mimzy", celebrated my dad's birthday, attended a relative's birthday and watched "Shrek The Third". I think it was a wonderful weekend with my love.

On Tuesday morning, we headed back to Jawi. I accompanied her at work and occasionally helping (but mostly distracting and disturbing). Early Wednesday morning, her dad and stepmom took her younger sister to Genting, leaving us alone with the maid to run the shop. Wednesday and Thursday was like this since they only came back early Friday morning.

I enjoyed being at the shop with her. I might have been a little restless at times but I liked being around her and it just gives me a sense of comfort to know that I can see her. Friday was a normal day.

Saturday was a different story. Initially, we had planned to go to PG that night as she was meeting with 2 guys on Sunday. But after we had pizza for brunch I dropped her off at the shop. She told me not to stay with her that day so I headed for her home. I sensed something was off when the usually noisy dog was silent. I opened the door and stepped in. The first thing I noticed was that a pair of shorts that we bought on Wednesday was thrown on the floor.

Now. Let me clarify that no one in the house touches her things (except me but I wouldn't throw it in the living room floor ^^). I picked it up and set the box of leftover pizza on the dining table. That was when I turned around and noticed that the window was open. More than that, the grill on the window was missing! I ran my eyes around the house and that was when I noticed that the side door was opened.

I went to the kitchen and quickly checked around. Nothing seems missing. Even the computer was still there and the printer. That was when a thought struck me. My laptop was upstairs! Did they take it? Were they still there? I crept upstairs and cautiously looked into the opened bedroom doors. After making sure no one was there, I checked and found my laptop still there.

Then I went back downstairs and closed the side door. Then I went to stand by the opened window and made the call. I didn't call the cops. I called my love. I broke the news to her and she relayed it to her stepmom who was just beside her at the time. Her stepmom rushed back with her dad while my love scolded me for putting myself in danger. After they checked around, it seems like the major things that were taken was a TV and the digital camera. That day itself, they had the repairmen come and fix the grill and the fence. Then, later in the evening, the alarm repairman came and sort of fixed back the alarm (it was torn from the wall by the burglars).

My love's fears surfaced yet again. She sort of thought that it was due to her negligence and her letting her guard down that caused this to happen. She believes that because she became happy that's why she was punished. As if it was a reminder that life is not all bliss. I do not believe that. I believe that it is nothing but a bad day. Things simply happen in life. Things happen for reasons we do not know or understand. But I do not believe that it was due to something like you being happy and being punished.

On Sunday, I dropped her off at Gurney to meet Edward and Yench. I was at conflict with myself at that time. One part of me told me to drop her off alone as I cannot be over clingy and scare her away. A girl does need her private time after all you know. But another part of me didn't want to leave her side or sight. I even comtemplated parking and then secretly following her. I know those two are merely friends and nothing more. But my heart wasn't at ease. I was unhappy. I was insecure about myself. I knew in my heart that she loved me. But my mind keeps throwing out doubts and create fear within me. I eventually dropped her off alone when we reached Gurney. And I drove back home.

I dropped her off at 11.30. She was meeting her friends at around 12 and 1. One has a tuition that ends at 12 and another had a guitar lesson that begins at 2.45. They shared lunch (lucky fellas) and a good time (presumably). Time passed and she smsed me at 1.11 to tell me she misses me. I called and talked to her for a few minutes. I had my own lunch with my family and waited for her sms. None came and by 3.15, I got worried and smsed her (I thought she was only gonna be there till 3 or 3.30).

She replied and said that she was going to walk around with her friend for a while so I said ok and to let me know when she was ready to go back. At 4.30, she told me they were at Secret Recipe and asked if I wanted to join. I finished cutting my nails and washed my face. I left the house and parked near Midlands. It was already 4.50 at that time. I walked over to Gurney and found them at Secret Recipe. We lingered there for about an hour then left the place.

Her friend had to leave so we parted ways. We wandered into Gurney and went shopping for some necessities. We even entered the lucky draw and obtained RM12 coupon for Foodloft! ^ ^ (That was just the instant draw. There's another grand draw happening later).

We bought McDonalds and A&W for dinner at her place and left. On the journey back to her place, she talked about how her dad was all selfish and mean and inconsiderate and all the other bad things and just enraged me so much inside that I was silent pretty much throughout the journey. Their house has been broken into like 3-4 times already and although she had approached him about moving or building a higher wall around their house, he just laughed it off and said other people who had built walls had their walls starting to crumble. He also lamented on how expensive it was. As if the cost of repairing the alarms and replacing all the stolen things weren't. >.<"

He commented before that my love kept seeing herself as their worker and not their daughter. But I just can't see much to suggest that he treats her as his daughter. Couldn't he see that she is deeply distrubed by the recurring break-ins? If he does treat her as his daughter, isn't he concerned about her well being? No way! F**k that man. It isn't as if he doesn't have the money. He just chooses to use it some other way.

Freaking hell. He is so not cut out to be a dad. If you are reading this, please look into your life and think about others for once. The world is not just about you.

2007-05-29T08:08:00.000+08:00

Monday morning, a dreaded day. A day disliked by many.

I woke up that morning with you by my side. A lovely sight that makes the day seem far away. I held you in my arms, just hugging you tight. For I never had such a wonderful feeling from just holding a person. Slowly kissing your ears and neck. Your skin feels so soft as if it was meant to be kissed.

I knew I had work but work could wait. I had that moment with you that could not wait. I went to bathe and when I came out, you came up with hot milo and a plate of crackers. Plain crackers that were your favourite. ^^

We talked as we ate. We hugged as we ate. We even kissed as we ate. And it all felt right. The feeling of your arms around me. Or my arms around you. The feeling of your lips against mine. The feeling of your face against my chest. All of it and more. Everything. With you. Just feels right.

***

You asked me last night not to let you destroy our relationship. You asked me not to let go. You asked me to hold on to you. But you know what, love?

You needn't ask those of me. I do not intend to let you nor anyone else nor anything else destroy our relationship. Neither do I intend to let go of you, my love, or us. Even if you try to destroy what we have, I will salvage it. As broken as it may be at the time, I'll still rescue it and bring it back to life. And every single time, we will resurrect our love to be stronger than before. Facing challenges will not weaken our love. But strengthen it with knowledge that we have survived yet another challenge.

There are seeds of doubt in both of us. These are seeds that can only be removed through patience and care. My doubt is clear. I doubt that I am good enough for you. But because of this doubt, I will work harder to give you all I can. Unending and everlasting love. Not vengeful nor ill tempered. Loving and patience. Not cold and unbending. But ever compromising and resilient.

Come what ever challenges life throws at us, we will get through it. Together. As one. I promise you, my love. I won't abandon you nor let go. I will love you. I do love you.

I love you, Janicia. For now, for tomorrow, for evermore.

Missing you like crazy

2007-05-28T21:05:00.000+08:00

Sitting alone in front of a computer,
Ate a lot and growing cuter,
Mere hours ago I was with love,
Holding onto her, holding my belove,

Spent the day missing you so much,
Missing your voice, missing your touch,
A sweet kiss on the lips I hold in thought,
Miss you so much, miss you a lot,

Time passes swiftly when we're together,
Regardless of sunny or rainy weather,
Indoors or outdoors, it matters not,
As long as we're together, it means a lot,

Looking forward past my lonely days,
Eagerly awaiting to see you in my gaze,
When you wake up with me in your sight,
Your mouth will turn into a smile of delight,

Apart makes time goes slow,
As if we're walking through waist deep snow,
Together makes time flies through,
As if round the world on a plane we flew,

This may not be the best poem of all,
You may find a better one at a shopping mall,
But lines are filled with words from heart,
From me to you, when we are apart.

ViVa

2007-05-25T08:34:00.000+08:00

Every now and then, people will upgrade their lives. Either a new book, a new pen, a new suit, a new tie, a new phone, a new job, a new manager, a new car or even a new house.

I'm getting a new car after getting a new phone earlier this year. Now don't think that I'm a rich guy or anything. I'm not.

I got a new phone due to own desire. I wanted a new phone.
I got a new car due to safety. I wanted to keep myself and my love safe.

New car might be arriving today. Or tomorrow. We'll see. If its ready, I might drive it in to find my love tonight. Otherwise, I'll let my dad pick it up tomorrow and I'll drive it on Sunday. Hehe.

Love, you always come before anything. I might be excited about getting the new car, but I'm always more excited about seeing you. =)

Where is my love?

2007-05-24T21:30:00.000+08:00

My love. What happened to you.

You are not at your pc. You do not answer my calls. You do not reply my sms.

Do you know how worried I am? Irrational thoughts keep passing through my mind. Images I'd rather not contemplate keep passing through my eyes.

Love, please be alright. I need you to be.

23rd of May 2007

2007-05-23T07:43:00.000+08:00

Almost had an accident this morning. Car braked in front of me. I had to turn to avoid hitting the car in front. Thankfully that there was no car on the left lane and that I managed to turn in time without causing harm.

But damn. Need to be slower and more careful. For my sake and Jan's sake.

Pirates are coming to town

2007-05-21T10:20:00.000+08:00

A wonderful weekend has just passed.

This particular weekend began on Friday when I went to meet Jan in Prangin. I found her in Popular (where else? ^^)

If you had read my other post, you would know that her phone had recently been damaged. That was the main purpose of going to Prangin. I was on the hunt again. The hunt for a new phone. Not for me, but for my love.

3 models were on the top of the list. SE's K618i, SE's Z610i and Nokia's 5300. Jan had placed a RM800 limit on the phone so I couldn't consider any higher priced phones. K550i and K750i too were considered briefly but K550i was the one I had and K750i was just too popular for her taste. ^^

It finally boiled down to two choices. Z610i or the 5300. Camera wasn't the main comparison point as we had recently acquired a 7MP digital camera. Both were capable of music playing. Z610i had 2 distinct advantages. Its an SE phone (I'm an SE fan ^^) and the mirror finish on the cover that hides the external display was just stunning. 5300's advatage was that it came with headphones and a larger memory card.

Prices differ by RM100 between the two phones with Nokia's being cheaper. Maybe some might have suggested we go for the 5300 but I think we made a sound choice by going for the Z610i. Firstly, being an SE phone, we could share accessories and/or memory cards when required. Plus, it looks super cool on the outside. Hehe.

Saturday she headed off to work and I stayed behind to download some stuff on her pc and do other things on my own. We went to PG for dinner that night and a quick drop-by at my place to pick up my additional SE headphones and memory card.

Sunday saw her going for her driving lessons. I waited at the training center for her to complete her lessons with her instructor. When she came back about an hour later, she was all smiles. She loved the feel of wind blowing over her face while she drove. Her instructor even had to tell her to slow down as she was going 80kmph. Hehe.

Love, driving can be addictive. You just love the feel of it. I know I do. Hehe.

Monday came and I had to go to work. But we were already making plans for next weekend! She had exams this week but we'll be going to watch Pirates of the Caribbean 3 this Saturday! Tickets have already been bought. 7 of my colleagues are joining us for this show as well. Hehe.

Love, if you are reading this blog during your exam week, look forward to the weekend and get through the week safely yeah! I love you and will continue doing so!

Don't know what to title it.

2007-05-17T23:24:00.000+08:00

A place where the door creaks when the fan blows against it.
A place where the fan speed is either too slow or too fast.
A place where turning on the light makes it too bright to sleep and switching it off leaves the room too dark.
A place where the corridors are long and dark like in horror movies.
A place where you feel no love.

In contrast,

A place where you feel secure.
A place where you feel loved.
A place where you know there's nothing going to happen.
A place where there are no strange sounds to keep you up through the night.
A place where you know you can sleep soundly.

The choice seems simple. I guess. But maybe you are right. Coming over might make my mom question things. I don't know. Anyway, the night is already over. Why am I still fretting about this?

Don't worry love. I am not unhappy with you. Just the decision. =) By the time I see you today, I'll be over it already. Since the events have already passed. I look forward to seeing you and spending the weekend with you. =)

I love you.

A luckless day

2007-05-17T11:14:00.000+08:00

A single day of bad luck. Not me, but my gf.

It started out at 2.30 am. She woke up and started to do some revision. Forgotten her calculator so she went down to get it. Fell down the stairs and hurt her neck. Some bumps on her arms but no bruises.

Frustrated, angered and probably upset as hell, she re-read the sms I had sent the night before. Negative thoughts came rushing to her mind. She jumped to conclusion that I don't really love her that much and got angry at me. Off to school for her exams.

After exams, she came back and chatted for a while. Still in a bad mood, nothing I said got through to her. She blogged about her fall and that's only when I knew. Her friend somehow managed to talk some sense back into her. (*Takes a moment to reflect on how her friend managed to get through when I couldn't... Sigh*) She called me up and apologized for her behaviour.

She went to bio tuition in quite a happy mood despite having to walk under the hot sun. Her stepmom assumed that I was fetching her so they didn't pick her up from tuition. While she waited for them, someone knocked her and her phone fell to the floor. Half of the screen is unreadable now. Sigh. She called me up and I told her I'll be there. I even offered to buy her some food. Managed to tempt her with the thought of McD's Apple pie that she likes. ^^

I sped there at an average of 110kmph. Found her hunched over the back of a wira, reading. Picked her up and headed to dinner with her stepmom (who changed plans once she knew I was coming. What the...)

After dinner I went back with her and we had a nice night (At least I thought it was...). Talking a lot. Hehe. I left at approximately 6am the next morning as I thought I had a meeting at 7am. Sigh. Meeting cancelled and moved to tomorrow (Friday). After I had left, her dad apparently tried to print something but found the printer spoiled and couldn't print. So he asked her about it. She told him to print at school using the school printer. AND HE HIT HER!

THAT ASSHOLE HIT HER FOR NO FUCKING REASON! *closes my eyes and breathes*

I wonder if I can consider that as abuse and at least make a police report. Love, stay safe. Stay with me. I love you.

Fear of losing someone

2007-05-15T19:17:00.000+08:00

Sometimes. Fear is a good thing. When you fear something happening, you can take measures to prevent against it. Sometimes, those measures that you take will involve certain actions which you may not have considered normally.

For example. I seldom open up to my parents. Or anyone else in fact. But I feared losing Jan more than anything else. It is that fear that drove me to open up to my parents. And that was a good thing. It got rid of a burden that was in my chest.

It also helped to patch up a quarrel with my Jan. (Our first quarrel! ^^) On the whole, I learnt that truth may not be easy. But it is always better to tell the truth. Jan, again you have showed me the truth and taught me a life lesson. Thanks.

I love you deeply and won't ever wanna lose you.

What was I waiting for?

2007-05-15T12:05:00.000+08:00

Dear Blog,

You get an email asking you to check out something.
You book the tester time to do it.
You went to lunch early because you had tester time from 12.00-2.00.
You came back to find that the tester has been taken over by your counterpart from US.
You are pissed, but decides that it is ok. There are other time slots available.
Although you had earlier thought of going back early, you decide its ok to go back a little later.
You book another time slot. 5.00-7.00.
You get the tester at 5.00.
Before you start doing anything, some lab personnel tells you that they need to perform some upgrade. It'll take 5 minutes.
You say ok. Let me know when you are done.
You wait an hour.
It is 6.00. The same counterpart from US tells you that the tester is needed again.
You check with the lab personnel. They say the upgrade is done. How convenient.
You can't deny the US counterpart's request. So you ask them to help check out the stuff you were supposed to do.
They say ok, if they have time then they will do it.
You lose your tester time again.
You wonder if you need to book tester time tomorrow morning.
You think so because most likely, the US counterpart wouldn't have done it.
So you book the tester time for tomorrow morning. 7.00-9.00.
You start wondering what were you waiting for the whole day.
Then you want to switch off the PC and head home. But 6.30 is when school gets out. Which means traffic jams around your house.
So you decide to wait a bit.
You open up your internet browser and started to blog.
And so it ends here.

Nice day huh? Right.

WARNING Not suitable for those below 17.

2007-05-08T19:15:00.000+08:00

Imagine this situation...

Your house has been burglared before. One night, you discover that your grill has been cut again. You also happen to have an exam coming soon. You also don't feel very well. Coughing, sore throat and sneezing. Your dad has to get some paperwork ready for a seminar that might lead to promotion. So what do you do?

Do you:
A) Study for your exam
B) Worry about the safety of your house
C) Encourage your dad to do his best
D) Get some rest to be well for your exam

Many might be choosing (A) or (D). But what if you don't have a choice? What if your life isn't like one of those choices described above?

This is a real situation that happened to my Jan and her choice? She wasn't given one. Instead of studying for her exams, her dad forces her to do the paperwork for him. HIS paperwork. What the fuck? Did I mention that her dad is a teacher?

Sweet! A teacher asking a student to prepare his paperwork for him so that he can present it and get promoted. I wonder who should be getting that promotion. And its not any paperwork, its a bloody 25 page thesis. And a presentation. Bloody hell.

His seminar thingy was on Saturday. When Friday rolled around, he asked Jan to print out his thesis (the thesis that his daugther researched up and gave him the points and typed for him). He let her skip school so she could do the work. Does he care about her education? Hell no. Does he care about her? Hell no. Selfish bastard.

Their home printer wasn't working so Jan, who had been working on the thesis the whole Thursday night, had to go out to get the fucking thing printed. She finally got it printed but it apparrently wasn't what he wanted. So she was sent to get some ink for the home printer and try again. After getting the ink, then she found out that it was ok. He had already gone with the one printed earlier.

Not a word of thanks or a show of appreciation. No offer to refund the money spent on printing and purchase of new ink. Asshole.

Anyway, by the time that happened, it was already past noon. School was over. Jan had extra chemistry classes that day. Everyone else made it. Not her though. After running around for her dad, she now had to get to work. You know what happened at work? She lost her cool and blasted at the customers.

Then she walked home. Went to bed. And cried. She wasn't exactly healthy at that point too. With everything that was happening, I don't blame her for losing her cool or crying. She apologized for ranting and so forth. But its not her fault. If anyone needs to apologize, it would first of all be her dad. Fucking fine role model he is. Fucking fine dad he is.

Then a few days later, he had to make a speech regarding a title of his choosing. Guess what? He called his daugther and told her to write the bloody speech. The title chosen? Studying overseas is an asset. I can see why if there are more teachers like him around.

Please excuse the language. I don't normally use some of the words seen in this post. But I really feel its about the only thing that truly describes that man. Any idea what can be done? Feel free to give me suggestions. I'm even considering legal action. Some people are just not meant to be a father.

"Work work..." grunted an Orc

2007-05-08T18:57:00.000+08:00

Silicon is showing up around 4pm tomorrow. Original plan was to be resting at home till I get the call to come in. Fat chance though. Seems like I now have to be working from as early as 7am till god knows when. Silicon showing up would mean initial hours of debugging to do. Probably till past midnight.

Why the sudden change in plans? Why, I have to thank my boss for that. All of a sudden, things that weren't needed becomes needed. A schedule was pulled in. Things that were previously due 2-3 weeks or more down the road suddenly became Thursday due. Awesome! I just love working overtime without pay. Yeah, right.

So the pulling in of the schedule kept me pretty busy throughout the day today. And that robs me of tomorrow morning as well. Just perfect, don't you think?

Add to that, I have an expectation that I need to learn a new stuff this week. Now I have three things already.
1) Executing to the pulled in schedule.
2) Support silicon debug work.
3) Learn the said new thing.

This week. Oh, but I'm not done yet. Hardly. There's more to come. There's another new thing that I'll need to bring up the capability. Wonderful. That's four things now. Excellent!

Lastly, there's another test debug that I'll need to do. This test debug is strange. There's like 600 something failing tests. So they decided to split it up evenly. Those with related background and experiences get 60. So do I, inexperienced and totally lost. Nice. Terrific. Great. Wonderful.

So they set up a series of training sessions to get us started. Excellent. Another new thing to learn. Better yet, those with experience are complaining that those 60 tests to debug are bad. So then... Me, the inexperienced, unfamiliar person who also has the 60 tests to debug has to start from scratch and finish it in time with them. While bringing up a new thing. While learning a new thing this week. While executing to the pulled in schedule. While supporting silicon debug.

Cool man. My boss must think I have 240 hours in my day. Gee, I guess I must be sleeping 220 of those hours a day right now. ERGH!

Boiling rage

2007-05-03T17:30:00.000+08:00

Today, my mood was kinda ok at work. Till about 5pm anyway. What happened? My boss called. Yeah. That usually means work. But if it was just work, that was ok. Since it was to be expected anyway.

But sometimes it just... I don't know... makes me demotivated. Its sort of like I do things this way. Thought it was the right thing. Turns out bloody wrong. I never liked to be wrong. Wrong still ok.

On top of that, seems like we make small thing wrong or something, it gets blown up so damn high till everyone in management knows. But they do something wrong, it gets swept under the carpet. And who cleans up their mess? Us. Yep. That's right. They do something wrong and we have to advise the "victims" how to fix it. Then because there is a "fix", the whole thing bloody goes away. No emails that flags the problem to management or anything.

It is just bloody too freaking much. Hate my life here.

Probably the only things worth living for in my life right now would be my love and my family. Work is just depressing. Unending pilling. Doesn't stop does it? Guess I should be thankful for so much work. Cos, apparently, more work means that you are capable and that management looks up to you.

Right.

I'm suppose to thank them for throwing so much work my way till I don't have a life huh? Gee. Thanks. For messing up my life.

Jan needs me next week but I can't take leave. Why? Cos freaking work says I have to be freaking there to support their freaking silicon. Whoopee. That's gonna be fun. Or not. Don't quite care anymore.

Guess I'll just do what I feel like doing then head home or head to Jawi. Wanna stop me? Go ahead and try. I don't care anymore. Work is just work. I can bear to lose it. But I can't bear to lose my love.

Hope I'm not scaring you away, Jan. I know I won't be scaring anyone else away. Since no one else freaking reads this blog anyways.

Written in pent up anger. Not a pretty sight. But fear not Jan, I'll never be violent to you. Patience is all I have for you. Jan, love you no matter what happens at work, no matter what happens to me, no matter where I am, no matter where you are.

Signing off to go back and ignore work. Work can wait. If it can't, so what? Don't care anymore.

That's why I prefer dropping you home...

2007-05-02T14:12:00.000+08:00

Oh God... I'm so worried as I type this...

My love stayed over last night and this morning, my parents said they'll drop her to the jetty. I agreed as I couldn't drop her home as I had to work. In order to save battery power of her phone, she removed the vibration and placed it on silent. Now, my parents said that they had already dropped her off at the jetty.

But I call her and she doesn't pick up. It could be because her phone is on silent. But... I can't help but to worry. Oh love, be alright.

I'm so dropping you home each and every time. I'm so freaking worried here. Sigh. SMS after SMS, call after call. Yet no reply. She could be at tuition, she could be at work, she could be sleeping at home. She could be so many things till I don't know what to think...

ARGH....

Love, keep yourself safe. I'm counting on you...

**EDIT**

A minute after I click "PUBLISH", I received a call from my love telling me that she's on the bus already. So glad she is safe. What good timing too. Hehe.

4 days and nights - Tale of the long weekend

2007-05-02T12:23:00.000+08:00

Both Labor day and Wesak day fell on the same day this year, May 1st. So, a replacement holiday was declared. For me, the replacement was on April 30th. This meant that I had Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday off.

How did I spend this wonderfully long weekend? Well, here's my tale. My journey began on Saturday afternoon. At 2.30pm, the road diggers in front of my house accidentally or purposely cut electricity supply to the whole road. The heat was almost unbearable. I had initially planned to leave later (I was heading for my love's place that evening) but the heat caused me to change my plans.

I took a quick shower, packed my clothes for the weekend and headed out the door. As it was still early, I went to Prangin Mall first. After getting a parking space, I went into the air conditioned building. The first stop I made was Popular. I headed for the music section (which is very rare for me) to look for a specific CD, The Soundtrack of Music & Lyrics, to be exact. This elusive CD has proven to be hard to find. Even on my previous trips here with my love, I did not find it.

This time, however, the CD was found. I could hardly believe my eyes when I saw it. Furthermore, it was the only copy there (or only copy left, anyway). I knew at that moment, I had to get it. Not for myself, but for us. It was a beautiful show that we enjoyed together and since then, things have been wonderful.

After paying for the CD, I browsed around a little but didn't purchase anything else from Popular. Upon exiting Popular, I browsed around the DVD shops and purchased 3 movies and a game DVD. I went to a few shops to enquire about the M2 memory card prices. Then around 5.30, I left Prangin for Jawi.

There was a crawl on the Penang bridge. It was due to a stalled bus which blocked off the left lane, leaving only the right lane passable. Imagine 5 lanes of traffic converging into 2 lanes then those 2 lanes converging into 1 lane behind the bus. Then you'll get an idea what kind of a crawl it was. :)

After getting through that, it was quite smooth flowing traffic along the way. I reached Jawi around 6.30-6.40. My love only finishes work after 7.30 so I had some time to kill. I parked my car near her house and sat in to read a book. Time passes quickly when you're engrossed. Pretty soon, I saw her stepmom's car pulling into the driveway (meaning that they have returned). I drove up to her house and parked beside her stepmom's car.

I headed into the house and pretty soon, we sat down to dinner together. After dinner, I waited till I was alone with my love. Then I took out the movie DVDs. When she saw the Music and Lyrics DVD, she went "Oh my God!"

But before she could recover from the joy, I told her if she likes the DVD, she's gonna like my next surprise even more. That was when I pulled out the Music and Lyrics soundtrack from my bag. Though it was still in the Popular CD-RAMA plastic bag, she immediately realized what it was. She excitedly took it and pulled the CD out. Her face was lit up in excitement and it was such a wonderful sight. We spent the night watching "The Ex" in the living room. After the movie, we adjourned to bed.

The next day, we set out for breakfast around 10am. After breakfast with her parents, we headed to Penang. That afternoon, we were visiting her old school, SGGS, with her mom. There was a sort of like food/fun fair held by the students of the school. We spent some time in Prangin before heading there around lunch time. Once there, we walked around and bought some food and drinks. Jan met up with her old friends who were still there and she had a good time (I hope) chatting up with them.

We met up briefly with her mom and aunt at SGGS and we promised to meet them later at Gurney. After we left SGGS, we headed for Gurney. Since we were early, we walked around on our own before meeting up with them around 6pm for dinner. For dinner, we headed to a corner house turned restaurant. The place serves good western food and it also has oriental food like Singapore Fried Mee Hoon. We excused ourselves after dinner and made our way back to Jawi.

Goodbyes are always the hardest part in any relationship. That night, tears welled up in Jan's eyes as she dreaded Monday morning when I would send her to school and head back. Morning came and we headed out of the house. She couldn't help but to let tears drop silently. Upon reaching her school, I saw with a heavy hear that she didn't want me to go. Truth be told, I didn't want to go as well.

Before she left the car, she handed me her house key and gave me the choice of either going back to her place to wait for her or leave it at her house. It wasn't really a choice at all. There was no way I was willing to leave her. I drove back to her house and went inside. I spent the whole morning in the guest bedroom reading a novel and sleeping.

That afternoon, I went to fetch her back from school and was told that we were going to get a digital camera for her dad. We went to the town and bought a 7.2MP Cybershot camera and a 1GB memory card. Then we went back to her place for dinner. After dinner, I asked if she would come with me to Penang tomorrow as it was Wesak Day. She agreed to come with me tomorrow.

Spidey 3 - no spoilers included

2007-04-27T07:52:00.000+08:00

May 1st. Spidey 3 hits the cinemas today. Didn't think I'd be catching it today though. =P

The long weekend that just passed was a combination of planned and unplanned events. I did plan to spend a few days (and nights) with my love. However, I didn't plan on spending all 4 nights with her. =D

Saturday night and Sunday night was planned. It was sweet and nice. Really enjoyed the company of my love around. But who wouldn't? A sweet charming girl whom I love and just happens to love me back. What more can I ask for eh? Hehe.

Back to the title... On the day of May the 1st, we came out to Penang for Wesak Day celebrations. Didn't expect to be watching Spidey at all. It was only after lunch when we went back to my place that the topic of Spidey came about. By the time we were ready to leave the house and head for a cinema, it was already like 4.30pm. Without any bookings, it was hopeful at best to get to watch.

We headed to Gurney Plaza (chosen due to it having the most screens). Like the previous visit to Gurney, the attendant refused to let us go park in the multistorey car park. We parked outside and walked to Gurney. When we reached the GSC counters, it was already 5pm. When we asked for available tickets, the only available ones was at 3am. That's AM as in middle of the morning!

But we waited for the uncollected reserved tickets to be made available to the public. We waited for 5.30pm when the 6.00pm uncollected tickets would be made available. Our wait was not in vain, we got the tickets for Premiere Class! (top row seats as well)

Don't worry, I won't spoil the show for those who have yet to watch. My love got an unasked for movie review from a small kid in the toilet. Which sort of ruined some parts of the show for her. =( Oh well, she still managed to enjoy the show.

There were funny moments in the show. Unexpected ones as well. But I'm not going into details here. Watch it for yourself. In cinema if possible. =P

After the show, we went to dinner at Northam Beach then head home. Right now, my love is asking me to go to bed d... So don't think I can blog any longer. =( Next time then!

P.S. She just called me bad guy... (what a lucky guy I am to have her around =D )

A little fishy

2007-04-24T16:51:00.000+08:00

A fish once flew out from the waves,
The first thought, here are my graves,
But thoughts of others came rushing in,
He realized he wanted to go back to his twin,

The water level looked so far away,
It seems he was so high up on the bay,
With his strength, he flipped and flopped,
Until exhaustion, he wouldn't be stopped,

Time went by as the little fish fought,
To get back before he got caught,
Many times, he imagined the coldness of water,
He got motivated by thoughts of his daughter,

With renewed strength, he carried on,
Until the night had almost turned to dawn,
Exhaustion overtook him when he almost reached,
But his flipping and flopping left him on the beach,

His world grew dark when again he felt the cold,
He lay there thinking it was his death to be unfold,
But the cold he felt wasn't the cold of death,
But rather, the water was giving him his breath,

The waves had returned and carried him,
Carried him off the beach to where he can swim,
Just in time before he had died,
He was back in the water where he reside,

He was lucky he kept on trying,
Instead of lying there and thinking of dying,
For already the waves were going out,
It wouldn't have reached where he started out,

He had his life again because he tried,
And threw away all his doubts aside,
It is never easy when things look bad,
Things will happen to make you sad,

But keep going, success will arrive,
When it does, you will feel so very alive.

Insight into life

2007-04-24T16:15:00.000+08:00

For some unexplainable reason, I was drawn to numerology today. Ever since I had heard Jan saying how she had read a numerology book and found things to be quite true, I was curious what numerology really does. So today, I searched online and found a free site that offers free numerology readings.

Curious, I just gave it a try (also, thanks to me being a bit free today. Hehe). The first one that I tried gave out some words which did not make sense to me. So I closed that window. The next one I tried gave some interesting points. They may be coincidental but it seems that numerology does work.

Some quotes from the reading that I found to be quite true (read on and see if you agree with me)

"You desire harmony, love, companionship, and peace with people; and you
enjoy ease and comfort." - Yes, I do desire for love and companionship.

"...you have the capacity to develop clairvoyant or other psychic
abilities." - Haha. This I think some may have experienced some of it *winks at
Jan*.

"You try to reveal the beauties you have seen and known." - Haven't I
always tried to show people the good side of things?

"You have a magnetic personality, although sometimes appear to lack
forcefulness. Your pleasing manner can influence others easily." - I definitely
lack forcefulness. Arguing with people is something I've never been good
at.

The reading is longer than this but I'm not going to post all of it here. Hehe. Just go over the lines above and see how much do you agree with me. Of course, anything you post can and will be used constructively. =)

Now that I'm typing about numerology, I feel that I have to mention a recent debate I had. It was regarding "the higher power". Is there a higher power that governs over us and plays us much like how we play a game or a song on a musical instrument? Does this being or beings hold power over us and decide our destiny and life?

I have to be honest and say that I am undecided. On one hand, I have been learning to trust only what I can see and feel (downfalls of science; everything must be proven). On the other hand, having read countless experiences of unexplainable events and recovery based on faith, I must say that there may not be a downside to believing in a higher power.

But then, could it be that it is your own faith that heals you and not some higher power? We only use about 10% of our minds in normal circumstances. What if faith is the key to unlocking other parts of our minds? What if these other parts are capable of something like self healing?

I'm not saying that we should drop religion and stop all faith in others (human and non-human alike). If faith helps a person, why should it stop? It is only when faith turns destructive then we have to question the teachings of that faith or the understanding that people get from following the faith.

As with everything else in life, I believe that moderation is the key to faith as well. Belief and faith are not wrong or bad things. Just as with a bullet. A bullet doesn't kill. It is how and who uses it that makes it good or bad. It is the same way with faith. It can be both good and bad. It all depends on the user.

My gf recently had been told that in her life (symbolized as a flower in a garden) is being attacked by a vengeful monkey. Now, in the Chinese community, this easily brings to mind one specific higher being. It was told that unless she appeases this guardian, she would suffer throughout her life.

I guess the thought that her happiness depended on whether this guardian would accept her prayers and forgive her or otherwise didn't appeal to me. Sorry if I made the situation worse. But I don't like to think that any one being, regardless of how high up he/she may be, controls everything about a person's life. I may be wrong, but I believe that we can change our lives. It may not be within a day, a week or a month. It may not even be within a year. But we can change our lives.

It may take several years. Or even several decades. But we can change it. Jan, I believe that you should pray to the Monkey God. However, don't be praying for a miracle to happen overnight. Even if he stops punishing the flower in the garden, it will take sometime before the flower is able to fully bloom again.

And for flowers to bloom beautifully, it has to have nutrients, water and sun. Don't stop believing in your capabilities. Even if the water is buried deep within the earth, doesn't mean that your roots can't reach it. If you give up, you'll surely never reach the water. But if you keep extending your roots, even if it is only a few centimetres at a time, someday... someday you'll reach that water.

Failure only happens when you give up. Persist on and you'll find success. Hopefully sooner rather than later, but you'll find it. You see, I'm a psychic after all *winks*

Summary of 10 days

2007-04-16T18:28:00.000+08:00

So sorry to those who have been waiting for my blog to be updated. During the past 10 days, my day was pretty much occupied and my nights were pretty much spent sleeping. Hehe. My gf would know how often I fell asleep in front of the pc with everything still on. =

Anyway, I'm back blogging now. Hehe. Allow me to first highlight some interesting events that happened in the past 10 days. I spent wonderful times with my gf, visited some show houses, bought a new phone, visited a few car show rooms. (Not necessarily in that order)

Starting off from where I left off 10 days ago, there was a PC fair that weekend. My gf initially wanted to go and probably buy a wireless keyboard. So we started the Sunday by going over to my place and went out to lunch with my bro and parents. We had a good meal at Salsa, which was this restaurant in a hotel. After the meal, my dad who originally wanted to go to the PC fair, decided that he was feeling tired and lazy. So just left me and my gf.

In the end, we decided against going to the PC fair as it would be crowded, hot and lots of pushing people around. Not exactly the best way to spend a day with my gf. So we went to Queensbay mall instead. First stop in Queensbay mall was the cineplex. We booked a 7.30 pm show entitled "The Reaping". That left us with around 4 hours to hang around before our movie time.

Being the book lovers that we are, we couldn't resist heading for Borders to browse through the books there. But prior to that, we made a trip around the computer/electronics section in front of the cineplex. Most of the stores were closed as their staffs were busy at the PC fair. We didn't spend too much time there, needless to say. At Borders, we spent a reasonable amount of time just browsing through the books there. Of course, the one thing I enjoyed more than the books on that occasion was the feeling of my gf in my arms.

After Borders, we headed down to the JUSCO food section. As we browsed through the aisles, my gf spotted things that she may want to buy and noted them out. We ended up buying nothing though. Hehe. After leaving the JUSCO food section, we headed to Popular (see? I told you we were book lovers. =D )

In Popular, we had a little discussion regarding HP books and how the last was coming. However, neither of us had put in a pre-order yet. Its not because we aren't HP fans, just that we just haven't. Though the why... I can't really answer. =P

Eventually, it was time to head for the movies. For those who haven't watch, be forewarned that it has heart popping moments which can literally make you jump out of your seat. Or not. Depends on how fearless you are I guess. However, I must say that I came out from the show with a little confusion over the ending. Hmm... Maybe its just me.

After the movie, I drove her home and very reluctantly saw her entering her house. I say very reluctantly because I didn't want her to leave. I feel so much more alive when she is around. Oh Jan, I miss you even as I type this. =(

After dropping her off, I had a late supper before heading for home. That ends Sunday. Hehe.

Work week was nothing special. Work as usual with a little extra due to a colleague being on leave so I had to at least sort through the mails and determine which was whose work. But then, I still found time to browse through the Net for new handphones. Hmm... I wonder why. Hehe. A lot of people who know me will tell you something: "Many times, he will think about getting this and that but end up not getting them at last".

Well, it is true I guess. For example, I had been thinking of getting a phone and a laptop since like middle of last year. But did I? Nope. Didn't get any of those. This time was different. I started browsing on Monday. Went to ask for the price on Wednesday and by Thursday night, I had a new phone. Quite impulsive huh? Ahh... it was either impulsive or too much thinking till didn't buy. My gf did help me to make up my mind. I wonder if she knows it or not. Hehe. Do you know, Jan?

Which phone did I buy? Sony Ericsson k550i. It is a budget CyberShot phone. Decent 2.0MP camera with lens cover, slim, blue lighting (one reason why I opted for this instead of W810i), nice design. I've used Nokia (3310) and Samsung (C100, X700) before and I've always wanted to try out a SE phone. This is also only the 2nd phone I've purchased for myself.

After a few days of using it, I feel that it is quite a good phone. WAY better than my previous X700. In case you were wondering, no, I did not sell off my X700, I passed that to my dad. The only downside of this phone is that it didn't come with a bigger memory card. With the seller's mistake, I had gotten a free 128MB M2 card. But as many would tell you, 128MB isn't a lot of memory nowadays. I'll get a larger size card someday.

You can visit www dot gsmarena dot com for a comprehensive review regarding this phone.

During the weekend that just passed, we went to look at a few housing projects but we didn't purchase anything. Hehe. Just browsing. =) Among all that we looked at, there was one in particular that was a hit with everyone. However, the price was quite high. Furthermore, only one unit was left. The question of new cars was also brought up. Savvy, Atos and a few others are being considered but again, nothing concrete yet.

Oh yeah, my mom's birthday was on the Friday that just passed. We went out to dinner on Saturday night and by we, I mean my family + grandma - my gf (wished you were there though). We went to this Dim Sum place that is still opened for dinner. Of course, being the only working one there, I was paying. Not that I mind, in fact, I insisted on it. Not that I don't think they can pay, but I wanted to.

Its pretty much the same way when I'm with my love. A lot of times I know you can afford it by yourself, Jan. But I... I just feel like getting it for you because I want to. Call it love or just outdated chivalry. I don't mind. ^_^

Two wonderful weekends was spent with my love. I really hope you have enjoyed it as much as I have. Add on to that, we also have spent 2 weeknights together for dinner and a movie in your home which was wonderful. Hehe. But my opinion is of course biased. Anything that involves you is wonderful. For an unbiased opinion, kindly refer to yourself. Hehe.

That's all I'm gonna write here. If you'd like me to write on a specific topic, drop me a comment and I'll see what I can write about that. Hehe. Ciao.

Motivation? Lost

2007-04-06T09:48:00.000+08:00

Today is Friday. I reached Penang on Wednesday. A normal Thursday at work with a wonderful and delightful Thursday evening with my love helped to ease my smile back into place.

However, a disasterous Friday it has been. Why? Well, it started off ok. I reached office around 6.10am and got to work. Looked into some issues and sent out a few mails. Work as usual. Chatted with a few colleagues from US and got some info on somethings. Then it took a nose dive for the worst. Sigh.

For all the effort and all the time put in by the team, it really maddens me to hear that the label of being the worst in history applies. And it isn't just me. The rest of the team feels the same way. Some background of stuff here. Our team is comparably smaller (like a quarter of others or less), with comparably zero experience in this field (most, if not all, of us never did this job before) and to add to it, the complexity that our team has to handle is on par, if not more, than other teams. Oh yeah, last but not least, we only had a year to get everything ready from scratch. Some teams get 2 years. Go figure.

If those guys really think we are the worst, I'd gladly give them the worst. Some times you just can't help wondering, why do we work so freaking hard? Unappreciated, overly high expectations, unreasonable demands, underpaid... Crap. All these and more are factors that actively promote loss of motivation.

On the bright side, being the worst means we can't do any worse right? I guess you can look at it to mean that whatever we do will only be better. But then again, will it be perceived by others as better? I know there are those who know the truth about the work and effort we put in. Thanks a lot to those guys and gals for believing in us!

*************************************************
Motivation is what makes people work,
The loss of motivation from words of a jerk,
Words from those who knows nothing,
Makes our work seems like an easy thing,
Experience what we do, they definitely should,
And with the same headcount, then they would,
Find that its not easy to do what we do,
Then perhaps they would have a clue,
And stop making things seem so easy,
Because its already so goddamn messy.
*************************************************

Sigh. I'm gonna stop here for now. I have a meeting to attend. Blog again another time.

P.S. Thanks for reading my blog Mike!

In office on Saturday night

2007-04-01T11:12:00.000+08:00

It is Saturday night and only one and a half days before I leave Austin. Today I woke up with a strange dream. I dreamt that I was back in Penang and that I was driving a Honda City back to my house. FYI, I do not own a Honda City. That by itself was strange enough, but to add to it. There's a colleague riding along with me in the car. So we reached our house. My parents came out and surprisingly, my dad said "I thought you were going to get a Nissan". In my head, I was asking myself, since when did I wanted a Nissan.

That was when I woke up. Hehe.

Oh yeah. There was 4 guys in the apartment last night. My friend who is renting the place, my two colleagues who flew off today and myself. One of them who was flying today took off early as his plane is around 11am but the other had a later plane at 4pm. So there was three guys left during lunch before there was two.

After lunch, the two of us headed back to the apartment. He was heading out to a park for some event or something while I was heading for the nearby shopping mall to browse around. After browsing for a few hours, I left with my purchases and headed back to the apartment. After collecting my laptop and placing the purchases in the apartment, I drove off to office to get online, get some work done and make a call to my Jan.

A long and nice phone call ensued. Ah... Satisfied. Hehe. Oh, did I forget to mention? I bought a burger on the way to office. But it stayed wrapped up till I finished my phone call. Hehe.

In Penang, my family went out to "Cheng Beng" today. First time I didn't join them. Blame my boss for that =D

Looking forward to be back in Penang. I miss the place and I have a long overdue talk with my manager regarding the past year's performance review. Hoping for a salary increase. Hehe. Greedy? Never said I wasn't now, did I?

On bed with a Pepsi

2007-03-30T11:20:00.000+08:00

Today is the night of 29th March, 2007. I've been in Austin for 33 days. I've another 3 and a half days to go before I depart from here. Unfortunately, I am being kicked out of the hotel tomorrow morning. Yes, this is the last night I will be in the hotel.

This happened because I extended my stay quite late into my original trip and the hotel just wasn't able to let me have the room for the entire duration of the extended trip. So tomorrow, I'll check out of the hotel and then head over to a friend's place to stay. He is here on relocation (poor guy, he wishes to go back) and he has an apartment. That's where I'll be for the next few days till I leave on Monday afternoon. Hehe.

My loved one just underwent a depression period. She became negative about herself and her life. Truthfully, I never enjoyed any negativity. To me, time passes whether you are negative or positive. Time passes regardless of you being happy or sad. With that in mind, I've always endorsed happiness and positivity in life. Why spend an hour feeling sad when you could spend it happily? Life is too short to be thinking about the sadness and negativity. It is true that there are moments when we are sad. Those are the moments that we should be sad. However, we should not be sad on normal days.

Not everyday or everything in life goes according to plan. However, negativity does not do anyone any good. A bad situation turns worse if you are negative. Think about it in this manner. Imagine you're hanging off a cliff. A person comes to rescue you. He tries to pull you up, but instead of working with him to climb back up the cliff, you try to pull yourself down. The gravity is already pulling you down. So now your rescuer has to fight against your strength and gravity to pull you up. Do you think he'll succeed? He can try as long as he can without giving up. But a person's strength is not unlimited. Sooner or later, he will tire. And when that happens... Your wish of falling down the cliff will come true.

But if you work with him to try and climb back up the cliff, it may be long and tiring, but eventually you will be safe once more. Don't give up. The task may seem impossible or the situation may seem hopeless, but it is only hopeless if you give up. It is only impossible if you do not have faith. I don't know how many times have I said this but I will say it again, you only fail if you do not try to your best of ability. Trying your best and losing is not failure.

Love, don't give up. I won't give up on you but I do need your help to get you back to safety. Please?

These few days I got addicted to anime. Just watched 23 episodes of Death Note (waiting for episode 24 to be out) and currently watching Naruto. I know these may be old and outdated and what not, but heck, it is my time and my enjoyment. They are quite nice actually. Hehe.

I can't wait to be back in Malaysia and Penang. Love, I do hope I can make up for all the lost time. I can't wait to see you and hold you in my arms again. Take care of yourself for now. I'll be back soon. I promise.

What did you do?

2007-03-28T06:57:00.000+08:00

If you read my update at the end of the previous post (entitled "Feeling crappy"), you would have known that I screwed up and ended up putting my colleague and friend in a bad position. Well, here I am to elaborate on that a little.

What happened is that, due to the information that I gave away, my colleague now has to do some passdowns to a counterpart who has a huge reputation for taking credit (but not the blame) for other people's work. It sort of opened the door for this counterpart (hereforth known as A) to poke into my colleague's (hereforth known as P) work and possibly steal the credit for some of the work.

First of all, let me state that I do not like A anymore than P does. A has shown that he likes to take the credit but will not hesitate in pointing fingers your way when trouble looms. As such, many dislike him. P on the other hand, is a colleague who does the work and, if anything, is a good friend. The only two flaws he has are probably his hair thin patience and negativism.

I can understand his dislike at having A poking into his work. However, I have always felt that despite what others might say or do, it is what you know that matters. I am not a huge believer in a higher power sort of thing. But I have always felt that it is important to just do your best. If some one else takes the credit for the hard work you put in, sure you'll be unhappy. But does recognition mean so much?

Is our society really focused on fame and recognition only? If a person wishes to take credit for something he did not do, I'd just let him. Why? Because I know the truth, he knows the truth, persons important to me know the true, and lastly, my loved ones know the truth. If he wishes to lie just to get a higher social standing or to get into someone's better books, let him. In the end, the liar is him. Sure he might enjoy the fame and recognition and riches that follows it. But he will need to suffer with the truth.

Fame, recognition, riches. All of these are temporary joy. Is physical wealth and fame so important? For me, of course I'd like to be rewarded appropriately for any task that I managed to complete, however, I do know that it is not possible everytime. There has been times when my work was passed on and presented as other person's work. But I don't really care. Why? As long as the ones important to me knows the truth, so what.

Even in work sense, the ones who will be judging my performance is my manager. As long as my manager is aware that I did the job, that's sufficient. At least, that's what I think. Sigh. What do you think?

Feeling crappy

2007-03-27T22:43:00.000+08:00

"I'm moving away from confusion towards simplicity and clarity"

That's what my friendster horoscope told me today. I'd say that it is partially true. At least the confusion part is anyway. Confusion, frustration, anger and a few other negative emotions have been boiling inside me for the past few days. I don't know what is going on. But I don't really care. I just want to go back to Malaysia. Now isn't that simple?

Crap. Don't know what got into me. Have been in a bad mood since I woke up. Someone please come get me back to my normal self.

Save me Jan.

*UPDATE*
Now feeling even crappier. After a nice afternoon chatting with you, Jan, I slipped and let out information that sorts of put my colleague in a bad position. Sigh. I do wonder what the heck happened to me. Even when chatting to you, I made mistakes and made you suspect that I doubted what we have. Sigh. Life sucks sometimes.

To Jan: I don't doubt what we have. I love it and don't wish to end it. Not now, not ever. Forgive me, I messed up.
To my colleague who shall remain nameless: Sorry dude. Never should have said it. Should have just kept quiet. I screwed up.
*END UPDATE*

In Austin instead of Penang

2007-03-23T22:37:00.000+08:00

What ever am I doing in Austin this week? By all means, I should have been on the flight back to Penang on Saturday. Sigh. Another week spent here. Aimlessly thinking about what to do next. Work has gotten kind of boring and frustrating. Probably because I've gotten tired of the multiple problems and such. My colleague says its burnout. I don't know.

What I do know is that I'm planning on taking some time off after I get back to Penang next week. Why? I want to rest. Maybe go visit some places and relax. I don't know yet. I would like to include Jan in my plans though. But that would mean I'd need to wait till the end of May when the holidays begin. Sigh. During that time, she has another camp to go to. I wonder if she'd be free. Hmm... I feel a poem coming...

**************************************************
Sitting here wondering,
Just when I'd be moving,
Back across the oceans so wide,
Back into the arms and my loved one's side,
More than a month ago it has been,
Since I saw the face and the grin,
I missed it much, I miss you much,
I do long again, to feel your touch,

A week from now I should be back,
And I would be glad, for here I lack,
The love, the piece that makes me complete,
When I get back, I just can't wait to meet,
But right now all I can is dream,
Fate is so cruel it may seem,
Thoughts of you keep me going,
You drift into my head without me knowing,
Missing you in Austin everyday,
I just can't wait to get back, I must say.
**************************************************

I know I haven't been blogging much. Blame it on the busy schedule and my own laziness. Hehe. So for any readers that were disappointed by me not updating my blog, I apologize. The past weekend wasn't too bad. I was originally scheduled to go back on the 24th which just passed. So it was disappointing in a way. But I made up for it by staying in hotel most of the time and watching anime. Haha.

On Saturday, me and a colleague went out for a Vietnamese lunch, before going to another colleague's place for dinner (she cooked for us =D). We watched a movie at her place (there were 5 of us there) and talked till about 12 midnight. On our way back, me and my colleague stopped at a 24 hour food market and got some foodstuff. I reached my hotel room only about 2am. I spent some time chatting before I fell asleep (while still talking to my love. Sorry about that yeah...).

On Sunday, a few of them went shopping but I opted out. I stayed home and watched anime till well into the afternoon. We headed to a wildflower center. The place closes at 5.30pm and we got there around 4.30pm. Seeing that it was late already, they kindly let us in without charge. We wandered around and some of us took photographs. Around 5.30, we left for Salt Lick. A popular BBQ destination that is out in the middle of nowhere. A very filling dinner it was. After dinner, it was back to hotel and getting some rest while dreading another week of work starting tomorrow. Sigh.

So here I am, in office in Austin for yet another week. My last week hopefully. =D See you guys back in Penang soon!

Buffet Style

2007-03-19T04:24:00.000+08:00

In US, buffets are cheap. If compared to their normal meal prices, they are almost the same. For around USD 10, one can enjoy a sumptuous buffet that includes sushi, desserts, ice cream, Chinese dishes and more. A meal that includes a drink would easily cost around USD 5-7. Which is more worth it? Of course the choice is obvious, buffets are more worth the price.

During the weekend of 17/18 March, I had buffet lunches on both days. The one I had on Saturday was cheaper albeit with less selection. It was called China buffet and true to its name, the place served food that was according to its theme. Fried rice, fried noodles (called chow mein), beef with broccoli, sweet and sour chicken were among the dishes in the buffet line. There were several other chicken and beef dishes as well as french fries. The place also provides ice cream via an ice cream machine. A good filling meal for only USD 8+ per pax (price after tax on Saturday).

On Sunday afternoon, we went to another buffet place. This one is called Buffet Palace. It was a more high class place than the previous one. It serves Vietnamese spring rolls, sushis, dumplings, chinese dishes (alike to the afore mentioned ones), terriyaki chicken, seafood, steak, salmon, ice cream, salads, cakes and fruits. The large place was occupied with hungry diners and the quality of the food didn't disappoint in my view. The price? USD 10+ per pax, price after tax.

Now I feel so full I can barely eat any more. Hehe. Incase anyone was wondering, I went with a friend and we paid USD 18 on Saturday and USD 24 on Sunday. We ate 2 plates each on Saturday and we had 3 plates each on Sunday. My friend even managed an extra plate of fruits after 3 plates of food. Hehe. But As he didn't have fried rice or fried noodles, that's probably why. If I go on eating like this, I'm gonna gain weight for sure. Haha.

What a lonely Sunday afternoon I'm having here. Sigh. Jan just got into 2 minor road accidents today. Thankfully it wasn't too bad. Please be more careful next time k? Unfortunately, I can't be around to go and see you. I'll make it up to you when I'm back yeah?

Oh yeah, on that subject. I may be extending my stay in US. This hasn't been confirmed yet and I'm still hoping to be back next week. But... we'll see how it goes.

That's all for now on this Sunday afternoon. See ya.

ERGH!!!!!..... calm down, calm down

2007-03-14T15:55:00.000+08:00

It is the wee hours of morning here. So what am I doing in front of the pc?

Sad to say, I'm working here. Sigh. I took my dinner around 6pm and then came home. Yeap. That's right. For once, I'm back early. I was exhausted for some unknown reason and fell asleep. I woke up after midnight and went to work. I had promised to get some work done so I had to. Progress was... slow.

I was getting no where. An error message that gives no indication of the exact point of error made me almost want to give up. Just before I sent out the email to get another person's help, I decided to try another approach. By modifying a working-file-with-wrong-thing instead of using the non-working-file-with-right-thing, I managed to solve the problem. The weird thing is that two almost similar files (content-wise) were giving very very different results. Blame it on the file system. *shurgs*

That error solved, I moved on to the next stage eagerly. Only to come upon another problem. It was missing some files and I assumed that the initialization stage had problems because of the earlier mentioned problem. So I removed everything and started from scratch. It still gave the same error. Suspicious that some things may have been removed, I went to check. *COL* *Talks to myself: Cool boy, cool.* Some one (my US colleague most likely) had removed an important directory without checking with me first. Luckily it was an easy fix and I was soon able to complete it.

So then, is my work done and can I go to bed again? Heavens no. Other work awaits me and I don't feel sleepy right now. Haha. So I'm gonna get back to some work. Blog you later!

*FYI: COL = curse out loud* =D

A long day

2007-03-13T10:38:00.000+08:00

FIRE! FIRE!

No, there's no fire where I am right now. The reason I started this post with those words is because there was an emergency evacuation that happened today. Everyone had to leave the building because some stupid alarm rang. There were suspicions of fire but I'm not sure if there was any.

I was working in the lab when it happened. The alarm sounded and we left the building in an orderly fashion. There was no panic in people's eyes. I guess everyone just treated it as another drill or exercise. Perhaps this is better. Since panic is what causes problems. We were left standing in the carpark for about 15-30 minutes as the fire dept came and went to investigate.

Soon, we were given the all clear and we went back to our routine work. And work we did. In fact, I bypassed dinner as requests came from left, right, front and back. Right now, my eyelids feel heavy. My stomach is growling and yawns keep coming out. Sigh. Wish I was back in bed right now. But I can't. Not yet anyway...

I'm right now waiting for a colleague to verify that all things are present and working. Once that is done, I'm going to pack up and head back to the hotel with my friend. I can forgo dinner or join them if they want to get anything. My friend who arrived yesterday was complaining about boredom last night. He wanted to get some beer and then invite another guy over to have a round of poker.

It did not happen though. Our other friend couldn't make it and we also did not go out to get beer and cards. *PAUSE* Jan, am I allowed to drink beer? Hehe. *UNPAUSE* So we ended up watching MI:II on the hotel TV. I went back to my room and fell asleep shortly after that. Nothing too fun. Hehe.

This afternoon, I had lunch with another 2 guys from Penang site. We went to this mall which is quite near to our office and had Terriyaki Chicken rice. Well, one of us had Terriyaki Chicken and Shrimp rice. But that's not me. Hehe. And guess what. I just received an email from my manager that ask me to be on standby to help enable another colleague's work. Sigh.

Gotta go now. Two friends waiting for me to grab dinner/supper.

The story behind

2007-03-12T19:27:00.000+08:00

Have you ever had a wish come true?

I believe I have had wishes coming true for me. The day before CNY, I went to my grandma's place to pray. It is sort of this traditional thing that I just follow. Blindly, I might add. Anyway, unlike most year where I wish for health, happiness and etc, this year I asked for something different. Why? Because at that point of time, I had started to fall in love with another soul. So I asked my ancestors to guide me and show me which was the one for me.

Days passed without me thinking much about that prayer. Relationships strengthened and weakened. But still I did not have the clear answer in my mind. I thought I knew what I wanted. But I had no ways to be sure. Some choices in life is really hard to make. So I put off making that decision. Then, an unexpected surprise came. I was sent to the US barely a week after CNY! Strange as it may seem, this was good news for me.

Some time away to think about things was just what I needed at that point. Little did I know that fate had already put plans in motion for me. On the day of departure itself, fate intervened. "I love you" was the message I got. The same I replied. No hesitation. Was I wrong or bad to do that? Maybe. But somehow it just felt right.

Forwarding to the present. During the two weeks of stay here, I only constantly kept in touch with one gal. I got messages from my gf. But I never seemed to have the heart to reply. Perhaps I should have told her then? I don't know. But I never got to replying to my gf. My new love interest however, we messaged daily and even talked online for hours at a time. I blogged quite a bit about my new feelings and my life in US.

I didn't suspect however, that it would be the way my gf found out. There was nothing left to say. An hour long call and it was official. We were done. The past. Old news. I felt a bit bad. I felt a bit sad. But another feeling that I felt was glad. I guess in my mind I had always wanted it. I just didn't know how to get there. Now almost by accident, I had gotten there. Jan, you asked why I didn't say anything to change it. How could I when you were what I wanted.

It seems to me that my wish, my prayer to be guided and shown the path has come true. This is the story behind the poem I first posted. You can think I'm crazy or mad or bad or whatever bad things that comes to mind. But somehow, I don't think I mind. It is what those that matters most to me think that counts.

Jan, looking forward to a new life with you when I return. Hang in there my love. I'll be back real soon.

A Beginning

2007-03-12T02:54:00.000+08:00

Many a moment we have shared,
But nothing changes the way we are,
For when what was done was bared,
We just broke apart on phone so far,

During all those times I thought I knew,
I had believed we could do it all,
Even when others, though far and few,
Kept thinking it is only time before we fall,

Enter someone I thought I had lost,
Old feelings in me resurged anew,
Set up a meeting as our paths crossed,
Saw each other and our feelings grew,

But one meeting wasn't good enough,
Soon another had taken place,
Things grew complicated, there just was more stuff,
We even held hands, there was also embrace,

Somehow you had done it when no one did,
You changed my feelings, you changed my life,
Though I tried to put it off, who was I to kid,
I knew I couldn't go back, into the relationship came a knife,

In the end the truth came out,
In a way most cruel and unexpected,
She found out and cleared her doubt,
She knew she wasn't the one that I selected,

She called me up and broke it off,
Telling me how stupid she was to love a lie,
I didn't say much, not even a cough,
Because there is nothing left, just a good bye,

That chapter now is behind and past,
All I want now is to love anew,
Jan my dear, you are a contrast,
Awoken new feelings I never thought I'd knew,

Now I can love you wihout any fear,
Without the guilt nor the conflict that used to be,
I can call you my love, I can call you my dear,
And a smile creeps across your face at me.